The countdown to Valentine’s Day continues!
Today we’re doing something brand new. This is the first quote posted here on TMXS that did not, I repeat, did not actually happen! (At least, to the best of my knowledge…) But I’ve included this quote here because this is something I find myself wishing I’ve said. And I realized that none of the quotes on here vilify me. But I’m sure there are horrible, thoughtless, crazy things I’ve said and have just conveniently buffed them over in my memory.
But this is something I’ve wanted to say more than once. And, quite frankly, I think it makes a perfectly legitimate dealbreaker.
And there you have it. A window into my dark pedantic soul.
It’s almost Valentine’s Day! And in honor of Friday’s impending Hallmark holiday, we will be posting one new comic every day this week!
Kicking off the fun is this guy:
His logic is flawless.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
I think this might be the most awkward agreement to dissolve an engagement, ever.
What came next? Awkward silence? That moment when you say, “Wait a minute. . . did we just. . . break up?” (Beat.) “I think so.” ? Or were they just like, “Aight, bye.” ?
The world may never know.
Ever find out that your boyfriend thinks you’re kind of busted looking?
Not our kids. Your kids. Because I wouldn’t touch that with anything but a ten foot pole. Or my penis.
…Let’s hope his kids don’t inherit his tact.
I’ll be taking next week off, folks! I’m traveling around Europe and probably going to be too hungover to even look at a computer screen. But since it’s winter and it’s cold, I wanted to leave you all with warm thoughts. To send us off, here’s a quote that makes me think of the sticky, sweaty, dusty, don’t-touch-me part of summertime.
You’re right. Let me slip into that cute Banana Republic wrap dress I bought on sale for $80 and never wear because I’m afraid I’ll get pit stains in it. That will look great when I give the old mare a rub down.
That’s all for now, folks! Have a happy holiday and a great New Year. And remember, if you want to see quotes from your own misadventures in love up here in 2014, send them in!
I feel like Jeff Foxworthy should have a stand up routine titled, “You just might be a sociopath.”
(click to enlarge)
You’re right. Telling me solves everything. It doesn’t make you a selfish criminal, and it doesn’t highlight how little respect you have for me. I’m so glad you didn’t get wet in the rain, sweetie. Here’s a beer.
This guy probably had the best of intentions… but he loses all points in the delivery.
“Get ready, because I’m marking you as mine. Your body is about to go to from wonderland to wasteland in five…four…three…two…”
Let’s just hope he can chill out enough to stop thinking of “all other men” while they’re in the bedroom.
What’s the quickest way to end an engagement? This.
(click to enlarge)
Ordinarily, I’d say she was the jerk for looking through his phone. However, when your sneaking suspicion turns out to be right… then it’s just women’s intuition.
What’s a little fraud between sweethearts?
Nope. It’s not totally fine. There is nothing fine about this.
I get an awful lot of quotes about people who have cheated on each other. But this guy has entwined his infidelity with a “blame-the-victim” mentality in a way I’ve never seen before.
Yep. That’ll show her.
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