Ah, modern standards of beauty.
“You’re no cartoon face of a corporate brand, but I could still eat.”
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Ew.
Put on your hat. I can still see your stupid face.
…But that’s just my knee-jerk reaction. Reasons why I’m single?
We’ve talked on this website before about what happens when you put on a “happy couple weight“. But add in the factor that your significant other may be a serial killer?
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They say people at risk for suicide are more likely to go through with it if they have a clear plan.
Guessing the same holds true for killing other people, as well. The joke’s on him, though! Looks like even with a plan it won’t be easy–after all, he would have to use both hands.
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I don’t even know if this can qualify as a backhanded compliment, as I have yet to see where the “compliment” part is. I guess she’s tall?
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Ugh. How many shades of this man are we going to see on this website? Men, can you get it through your heads that alluding to someone being too fat is just not okay? Yes, even if you are a doctor. Save it for the clinic. You leave me to imagine that you think I’m pretty, and I’ll leave you to imagine it’s okay to have two chocolate croissants for breakfast. And we’ll both die of the American Condition early, but happy.
Or, you know, keep picking on your loved one’s nose and thighs and feet and upper arms. What do I know? I’m just a voice on the internet.
Speaking of voice, rehearsals for Things My Ex Said: The Cabaret are going great!!! I’m so excited and I just can’t hide it! Performing on Monday, 12 May and Friday, 16 May at 7:30 PM at the Grand Ballroom in Sloan’s, Glasgow. Come see your favorite quotes brought to life against a backdrop of badass 90’s tunes. Tickets on sale now!
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
Let me clear up one mystery of the mythology of Woman. When we’re little, around 7 or 8 years old, we discover we fall into a category: we can be pretty, or we can be smart. Sometimes, life chooses for us. Other times, it’s a conscious choice we make that shapes the entirety of our lives. But never, never can a girl be both.
Oh wait. That’s pure and utter bullshit.
Thanks, guy. I’m glad you came in with low expectations!
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
Facepalm.
This might be the worst compliment ever. Not because there is anything wrong with size 4 or any other size out there, but because he’s using the compliment to make himself sound like a better person by hinting that he might be the best she can get.
She might as well have said, “I really love your face. A lot of women don’t like it, but I enjoy being with someone who’s less attractive than me.”
Okay. Let’s get one thing straight. She looks good.
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Don’t criticize my hair. That’s my mother’s job.
I’ll be taking next week off, folks! I’m traveling around Europe and probably going to be too hungover to even look at a computer screen. But since it’s winter and it’s cold, I wanted to leave you all with warm thoughts. To send us off, here’s a quote that makes me think of the sticky, sweaty, dusty, don’t-touch-me part of summertime.
You’re right. Let me slip into that cute Banana Republic wrap dress I bought on sale for $80 and never wear because I’m afraid I’ll get pit stains in it. That will look great when I give the old mare a rub down.
That’s all for now, folks! Have a happy holiday and a great New Year. And remember, if you want to see quotes from your own misadventures in love up here in 2014, send them in!
Gentlemen, when flirting with a gal it’s important to lead with your best foot forward.
It’s important to me to know where I stand in the hierarchy of hotness at any given time. Thanks for the update.
You know what? Sometimes guys aren’t mean. Sometimes they think you’re smokin’ hot.
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No, guy. I think the question is, what else are you looking for? Because that nice body probably has a nice person inside. Or at least a nice face.
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