Yep . . .That IS what he said.

Monthly Archives: February 2014

In a truly committed relationship, it’s important to be selfless…


Wait a minute. What?! How can he expect anyone to actually fall for that? And yet, why do I imagine someone has?

Listen. In a relationship, it’s important to be selfish. It should be a relationship with someone you want. He or she should treat you the way you want. And you should behave like the person you want to be in relationship. And if the person you want to be happens to not be diseased and pregnant, then you know this guy is full of crap.

…What if she replied with, “Actually, I’m protecting you, since I have syphilis.”

Have you ever been dumped for a set of reasons that seemed totally mysterious and vague? Where you felt like you never really got a sense of what your former lover was actually thinking? Just a gray wash of disconnect that left you agonized, guessing and conjecturing to the cosmos about what went wrong?

Well, that wasn’t the case here.

not a real runner

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At least this guy has a clear set of priorities.

There’s nothing like running into an old flame.

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Nope! Nothing to prove here, at all! You’re totally comfortable in your skin and clearly sooooo over me.

Today I’m so happy to introduce our first guest artist, Orlando Segarra! Orlando’s work came across my eye several months ago, with his own series of comic strips. Like a more cynical Far Side for the hipster generation, I knew Segarra’s work would be a great fit for Things My Ex Said. Stay tuned for more of his work–and guest comics by others–popping up in the future!

Thanks for giving TMXS a little spice on this otherwise dreary Monday morning!

I sure seem to get a lot of quotes that touch on this theme. Makes me wonder. . . how many dates with a douche does it take to get to this point? One? Two? Three? Ten? It’s like the tootsie pop riddle for the new millennium.

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I’m going to venture that no, she doesn’t.

Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid! And stay tuned next week for all-new comics by our first guest artist!

Shopping with your significant other can be dangerous territory.

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“When” I look good? When I look good I’m going to try on a different style of boyfriend. Oh wait. I already do.

If somebody actually “allows” you to do this, maybe it’s not the right circumstance to say thank you. I think that’s gotta be the kind of thing where you push it deep under the rug and never talk about it again.

. . .Do you think he said please?

the affair

Okay. I think this one needs more explanation. Like, did she actually allow him an affair? Does she get to have one now, too? Did he actually think she could stop him? “What if” she kicked him in the face?

Happy Valentine’s Day! One year ago today this little blog was born. And what a year it’s been! I couldn’t have done it, quite literally, without all of you. Thank you for your quotes and your input! Hopefully we’ve all had a chance to laugh at some cringe-worthy memories and make them a little less painful.

Coming up in 2014 we’ve got some big plans for Things My Ex Said! Stay tuned for guest artists, new levels of horrible exes, and so much more. But first, in honor of the Day of Love, here is the grossest, weirdest, least romantic quote I may have ever read.

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The non sequitur. The presumption. The….herpes. Who is this person, and how do we keep him from ever telling someone she is “going to have to learn to love” his herpes, ever again? Listen, guy: It doesn’t matter which hole you’re aiming for. Keep that diseased stick and it’s entitled attitude zipped up.

Nobody is going to learn to love your herpes until you love yourself. Happy Valentine’s Day!

It you are having doubts about your relationship, ladies, remember to check your meds first.

You must be on birth control.

Wow honey, you’re right! This doesn’t have anything to do with us as a couple, and your avoidance of answering my question clearly means nothing! It’s just my silly lady hormones clouding my brain and making me moody again! How could I ever take care of myself without you?

Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid! And don’t forget to check back tomorrow for the final installment in our Valentine’s Day Countdown!

You gotta love the break ups that are full of flattery. “Oh my God. You smell amazing! No no no, don’t get any closer to me or I might throw up. But that smell… wow! You should be really happy with yourself.”

Don't see this going anywhere

Break Ups 101: Don’t spend the first part of your break up conversation making out with your target.

Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid! And don’t forget to check back tomorrow for the next installment in our Valentine’s Day Countdown!

The countdown to Valentine’s Day continues!

Today we’re doing something brand new. This is the first quote posted here on TMXS that did not, I repeat, did not actually happen! (At least, to the best of my knowledge…) But I’ve included this quote here because this is something I find myself wishing I’ve said. And I realized that none of the quotes on here vilify me. But I’m sure there are horrible, thoughtless, crazy things I’ve said and have just conveniently buffed them over in my memory.

But this is something I’ve wanted to say more than once. And, quite frankly, I think it makes a perfectly legitimate dealbreaker.

terrible speller

And there you have it. A window into my dark pedantic soul.

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