Yep . . .That IS what he said.

Tag Archives: girlfriend

It’s good for people to understand their priorities in relationships.

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(Click to enlarge)

This has got to be one of the hands down worst ways of explaining to someone that she isn’t pretty enough to be your girlfriend. Also, this whole list thing is just pretty cringe-y in general. Might as well call this “10 Things I Wish I Loved About You.”

Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!


I love a good non sequitur as much as the next geeky humorist, but this one makes no sense.

Drink was druggedExcuse me, miss? He wasn’t talking about anything funny. Unless you’re so disturbed by his news that the only response your brain can handle is to completely deny reality, there’s no reason or excuse for having that be your reply. Shame on you.

Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!


This is the male version of playing dress up:

a shit wife“You’re fun to play dress up in, but I wouldn’t actually wear you to the prom.”

Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!


Trying to get out of the friend zone? Think again.

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(click to enlarge)

Yeah, I know we’ve shared our deepest darkest secrets, hopes, and fears over Starbucks. And I know that you’d make the most considerate, respectful boyfriend, ever. But gingers need not apply.


Here we are, on a beautiful moonlit night, wrapped in a passionate kiss.

Click to Enlarge

Click to Enlarge

Because I wouldn’t want you to think this is, like regular Coke or something. As long as we’re clear that this is the aspartame of affection! Nothing real or natural, no substance and no nutritional value. Then sure, you can pop fizz all over my face.


When boinking your girlfriend just isn’t an option…

CLICK TO ENLARGE!

CLICK TO ENLARGE!

No shit, Sherlock.


Ever get awkward charitable help–that you didn’t quite want–from a significant other?

Take this money

I don’t think I’m going out on a limb here by suggesting this guy was joking about the hooker… But really? Is that supposed to be cute? Funny? Cute and funny? Because I got a little nauseous.

Or maybe he wasn’t joking.


My new show opens tonight, so I thought I’d get a little personal.

Tough LoveGuess what? I am.

Guess what else? Surprise! I don’t look for a parent in my boyfriend. Sometimes this site is cathartic for me, too.

Never let somebody else tell you who or what to be. Especially not in the name of love. That’s not love.


Happy Memorial Day! I hope everybody enjoyed Arrested Development Day yesterday! I want you all to appreciate that it’s taking every ounce of my self control right now not to turn this entire website into pure Arrested Development fan fiction.

And now, without further ado, here’s some jerk one of you dated:

I want to be with you

At least she knows what she wants! Oh wait . . .


I’m sure the first question you asked when you got up this morning was, how does social media affect the men who want to tell us what to do?

shorts on facebook

No, my dear. You’re missing the point. You don’t get to tell your girlfriend what to wear. Although, maybe we could make a new song, “If you like it then you should have put some pants on it…” But then, of course, she’d be wearing the pants.



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