Yep . . .That IS what he said.

Tag Archives: weight

It’s great when you feel secure in the knowledge that your partner loves you just the way you are.

You should go lower than that

Or that. While you’re at it, if you could lose the weight, bleach your hair, grow some tits, and fix your teeth…. yeah, that would be okay.

Happy Friday! This weekend’s challenge is to not be an asshole. Good luck! I see I have already failed.

Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!


We’ve talked on this website before about what happens when you put on a “happy couple weight“. But add in the factor that your significant other may be a serial killer?

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(Click to enlarge)

They say people at risk for suicide are more likely to go through with it if they have a clear plan.

Guessing the same holds true for killing other people, as well. The joke’s on him, though! Looks like even with a plan it won’t be easy–after all, he would have to use both hands.

Got a stupid ex? Want something they said to live on in digital infamy? Submit your quotes to Things My Ex Said!


I don’t even know if this can qualify as a backhanded compliment, as I have yet to see where the “compliment” part is. I guess she’s tall?

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(Click to enlarge)

Ugh. How many shades of this man are we going to see on this website? Men, can you get it through your heads that alluding to someone being too fat is just not okay? Yes, even if you are a doctor. Save it for the clinic. You leave me to imagine that you think I’m pretty, and I’ll leave you to imagine it’s okay to have two chocolate croissants for breakfast. And we’ll both die of the American Condition early, but happy.

Or, you know, keep picking on your loved one’s nose and thighs and feet and upper arms. What do I know? I’m just a voice on the internet.

Speaking of voice, rehearsals for Things My Ex Said: The Cabaret are going great!!! I’m so excited and I just can’t hide it! Performing on Monday, 12 May and  Friday, 16 May at 7:30 PM at the Grand Ballroom in Sloan’s, Glasgow. Come see your favorite quotes brought to life against a backdrop of badass 90’s tunes. Tickets on sale now!

Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!


Shopping with your significant other can be dangerous territory.

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(click to enlarge)

“When” I look good? When I look good I’m going to try on a different style of boyfriend. Oh wait. I already do.


Facepalm.

I really like bigger girls

This might be the worst compliment ever. Not because there is anything wrong with size 4 or any other size out there, but because he’s using the compliment to make himself sound like a better person by hinting that he might be the best she can get.

She might as well have said, “I really love your face. A lot of women don’t like it, but I enjoy being with someone who’s less attractive than me.”


You shrunk my sweater

And if you take a step closer, I will strangle you with a very tiny sweater.


If you look at sitcom fodder, nabbing a doctor is supposed to be like winning the lottery. A doctor? Break me off a piece! I want one! Let’s make him a pediatrician, so I’ll live in a fab house and my kids will be the healthiest kids in the world… Well, ladies and gentlemen, doctors can have some ambitions of their own.

CLICK TO ENLARGE!

CLICK TO ENLARGE!

Oh wait. Not worth it. Back to dating unemployed aspiring….whatevers… in three, two, one.



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