Yep . . .That IS what he said.

Monthly Archives: December 2013

It’s hard to believe that we are at the end of this year. In fact, it’s been exactly a year since the relationship that sparked ThingsMyExSaid came to an end! What’s different since then? Well, I’m living in another country, studying in a graduate program (never intended to go to grad school… but that’s a story for another day), it’s the longest I’ve been single since I was about 11 (serial monogamist alert), and I’m about to board a plane to spend New Year’s Eve in a country I couldn’t have located on a map until about 3 months ago. And I just accidentally stirred my coffee with a dirty spoon, so now it tastes like onions. We can’t win ’em all.

But the little ticker on my homepage says there are about a thousand of you checking in when I air my and your dirty laundry here on the site every week. And that’s pretty damn cool. I’m having a lot of fun with you guys, and looking forward to a great 2014!

Here is a list of the Top Ten TMXS quotes of 2013. Some quotes are from the early days, that I think many of you may have missed. And some are just too good not to revisit. Cheers, and Happy New Year!

Would you like to see a stupid quote from your own ex digitally immortalized in 2014? Submit your quote today!

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I’ll be taking next week off, folks! I’m traveling around Europe and probably going to be too hungover to even look at a computer screen. But since it’s winter and it’s cold, I wanted to leave you all with warm thoughts. To send us off, here’s a quote that makes me think of the sticky, sweaty, dusty, don’t-touch-me part of summertime.

starting to look like a lez

You’re right. Let me slip into that cute Banana Republic wrap dress I bought on sale for $80 and never wear because I’m afraid I’ll get pit stains in it. That will look great when I give the old mare a rub down.

That’s all for now, folks! Have a happy holiday and a great New Year. And remember, if you want to see quotes from your own misadventures in love up here in 2014, send them in!


I feel like Jeff Foxworthy should have a stand up routine titled, “You just might be a sociopath.”

I used your car

(click to enlarge)

You’re right. Telling me solves everything. It doesn’t make you a selfish criminal, and it doesn’t highlight how little respect you have for me. I’m so glad you didn’t get wet in the rain, sweetie. Here’s a beer.


You know what really turns me on? Whining.

haven't had sex in a while

Why don’t you whine some more and then I’ll go slip into something a little more comfortable.


Boys, as Christmas approaches. . . Whenever we say “Oh, don’t be silly, you don’t need to get me anything,” it means “I want to be so special to you that you had to get me something, even though I pretended not to be materialistic when I was trying to get you to stop playing video games and kiss me the other day.” That is what it means.

Consider today’s quote a cautionary tale.

Didn't get me anything for my birthday

I don’t blame you for not finding the right gift amongst the Spongebob Squarepants socks and blindingly neon lingerie of the mall, but how about flowers, you lazy f*ck?


Sometimes, there’s more drama offstage than on.

You haven't told her

I’m going to wager that his thoughts, had we filled in the words instead of a lingering ellipsis, would have been something like this.


This would be one thing if the guy was only, say, twelve years old. Or if they had been hanging out for longer than 45 minutes.

(click to enlarge)

(click to enlarge)

I can hear the taunting from here…. Cowboy Jim likes girls, oooooh!

But seriously, lying is better than admitting I would hang out with you.



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