As I’m sure we all agree, many a relationship has been saved in semantics.
Just kidding.
Hmmm. Maybe he’s calling her dumb? Somehow I think that’s worse.
Fatalistic, much? 
Listen, honey. It’s me or solitude for the rest of your life. Peace out.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
It’s always extra awkward to break up with someone around a major holiday or birthday, anniversary, etc. But when you add in the complication of a terrible disease? The rules of conduct just don’t exist.
(Click to enlarge)
You want to feel bad for her. And him. But not him. But her. But him. But fuck him! But how can you say fuck him? He has cancer! My brain! It’s melting! My compassion doesn’t know what to do with this situation! I’m going cross-eyed.
How about this. Don’t use people? Period. Live life to the fullest extent you can, and if your fullest life isn’t envisioned with that supportive person, let that person go. Or if you get a new chance at life, live it with integrity… but maybe figure it out before you accept all the birthday presents.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
Ah, love. Who doesn’t love to be in love? And to be loved in return? No strings, no ifs or clauses, just pure and simple love.
Let me guess. His definition involves sleeping with other people.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
Ew.
Put on your hat. I can still see your stupid face.
…But that’s just my knee-jerk reaction. Reasons why I’m single?
We’ve talked on this website before about what happens when you put on a “happy couple weight“. But add in the factor that your significant other may be a serial killer?
(Click to enlarge)
They say people at risk for suicide are more likely to go through with it if they have a clear plan.
Guessing the same holds true for killing other people, as well. The joke’s on him, though! Looks like even with a plan it won’t be easy–after all, he would have to use both hands.
Got a stupid ex? Want something they said to live on in digital infamy? Submit your quotes to Things My Ex Said!
Okay guys, confession time! I dropped off the radar. And no, I didn’t care enough to call. The irony of my website is now complete, and I’ve turned into that guy.
I went home to New York City for reasons both professional and personal, and was quite frankly just having too much fun to dwell on all our shitty exes. Actually, that’s not true. There’s been a lot of work done on TMXS behind the scenes in my absence. Things My Ex Said: The Cabaret goes up next month! And we’ve been planning our presence this summer at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival! And maybe I got laid. That’s a big enough deal to forget all responsibility and commitments for, like, a month, right?
And so, in the spirit of self-interest, I bring you this guy:
There you have it, folks! Took him five years to figure out he should be living for himself. What a genius. I wonder how much longer it will take for her to figure out the same…
Man, it’s great to be back to our regularly scheduled sarcasm. I hope you’ve been enjoying the spring fever and making smart choices. But if you haven’t, you can still submit your quotes here and see them resurrected here on the website!
Big news today! I am happy to announce that Things My Ex Said: the Cabaret will premiere in Glasgow this May! Produced in association with The Royal Conservatoire of Scotland, we’ll be lighting up the stage with some of your favorite quotes from this website and some of your favorite angsty 90s rock tunes.
More details to come! We’ll be on at the Grand Ballroom in Sloan’s the week of May 12!
And now, in honor of our first official band rehearsal and production meeting, here’s another quote you may be shocked to discover comes from my own life. (Two in a row! We’re on a spree!)
Guess which one I chose.
We’re kicking off this week with another comic by “O”!
Break ups are never easy. Even if it’s what you want. But sometimes, they’re just freaking weird.
(click to enlarge)
Is this bribery? An attempt at a guilt trip? Denial? I’ve heard of killing somebody with kindness, but I just don’t know what to make of this scenario. Talk about trying to win the break up.
Want to see more of this artist’s work? Check out www.0thehumanity.tumblr.com to see his full range of comics!
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
In a truly committed relationship, it’s important to be selfless…
Wait a minute. What?! How can he expect anyone to actually fall for that? And yet, why do I imagine someone has?
Listen. In a relationship, it’s important to be selfish. It should be a relationship with someone you want. He or she should treat you the way you want. And you should behave like the person you want to be in relationship. And if the person you want to be happens to not be diseased and pregnant, then you know this guy is full of crap.
…What if she replied with, “Actually, I’m protecting you, since I have syphilis.”
thingsmyexsaid 