Yep . . .That IS what he said.

Tag Archives: vacation

Okay guys, confession time! I dropped off the radar. And no, I didn’t care enough to call. The irony of my website is now complete, and I’ve turned into that guy.

I went home to New York City for reasons both professional and personal, and was quite frankly just having too much fun to dwell on all our shitty exes. Actually, that’s not true. There’s been a lot of work done on TMXS behind the scenes in my absence. Things My Ex Said: The Cabaret goes up next month! And we’ve been planning our presence this summer at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival! And maybe I got laid. That’s a big enough deal to forget all responsibility and commitments for, like, a month, right?

And so, in the spirit of self-interest, I bring you this guy:

decisions considering myself

There you have it, folks! Took him five years to figure out he should be living for himself. What a genius. I wonder how much longer it will take for her to figure out the same…

Man, it’s great to be back to our regularly scheduled sarcasm. I hope you’ve been enjoying the spring fever and making smart choices. But if you haven’t, you can still submit your quotes here and see them resurrected here on the website!


I feel like Jeff Foxworthy should have a stand up routine titled, “You just might be a sociopath.”

I used your car

(click to enlarge)

You’re right. Telling me solves everything. It doesn’t make you a selfish criminal, and it doesn’t highlight how little respect you have for me. I’m so glad you didn’t get wet in the rain, sweetie. Here’s a beer.


Ever get awkward charitable help–that you didn’t quite want–from a significant other?

Take this money

I don’t think I’m going out on a limb here by suggesting this guy was joking about the hooker… But really? Is that supposed to be cute? Funny? Cute and funny? Because I got a little nauseous.

Or maybe he wasn’t joking.



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