Yep . . .That IS what he said.

Tag Archives: hooking up

There are several elements to this submission that (for me, at least) make it one of our most confusing, ever.

even though i don't want to

Wait a minute… did he just accuse her of being a rapist? Is she a rapist? If the genders were reversed, would we perceive this scenario differently? Somehow, since she was the one who submitted this quote, I suspect she had no idea he wasn’t into their physical relationship. But seriously. What the hell is going on there? Why was he having sex with her? Guys, gals, folks in between: don’t have sex with people you don’t want to have sex with! Relationships are complicated enough.

Or what if she was, like, his dominatrix or something, and this was part of their role play….

Happy September!  Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!


We’re back! And don’t worry, we’re keeping it classy.

do four chicks

I wonder if he found them.

Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!


When Things My Ex Said and Tinder collide… the results are exactly what you’d expect.

thoughts on bondage

Music to bondage? Seems like a reasonable segue to me. Isn’t the “getting to know you” stage grand? At least he got right to the point.

Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!


One thing I’m a big fan of in relationships is consistency.

tightest lay

Is the lesson here: how quickly one can forget the good times? Or how easy it is to lie when you’re trying to get laid?

Hope you’ve all got your tickets, because tonight’s final performance of Things My Ex Said: the Cabaret is sold out! Can’t wait to play to another packed house in Glasgow tonight! It’s been such a blast, and cannot wait to share some highlights with you folks online, very soon!


Yes, that is what he’s referring to.

Just sit on it

Apparently sometimes having a big dick can make you a big dick. And that’s called hashtagnotworthit.

The dates have been set for Things My Ex Said: The Cabaret! I’ll be coming to the Grand Ballroom of Sloan’s on May 12th and 16th, at 7:30 PM, 62 Argyll Arcade, 108 Argyll Street, Glasgow, G2 8BG. Part of the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland’s Candid Cabaret series. See your favorite quotes from the website come to life, paired with some bitchin’ 90s tunes!

Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!


Adultery is totally cool, but don’t you dare take the name of our Lord in vain.

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Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!


Happy Valentine’s Day! One year ago today this little blog was born. And what a year it’s been! I couldn’t have done it, quite literally, without all of you. Thank you for your quotes and your input! Hopefully we’ve all had a chance to laugh at some cringe-worthy memories and make them a little less painful.

Coming up in 2014 we’ve got some big plans for Things My Ex Said! Stay tuned for guest artists, new levels of horrible exes, and so much more. But first, in honor of the Day of Love, here is the grossest, weirdest, least romantic quote I may have ever read.

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The non sequitur. The presumption. The….herpes. Who is this person, and how do we keep him from ever telling someone she is “going to have to learn to love” his herpes, ever again? Listen, guy: It doesn’t matter which hole you’re aiming for. Keep that diseased stick and it’s entitled attitude zipped up.

Nobody is going to learn to love your herpes until you love yourself. Happy Valentine’s Day!


What’s the quickest way to end an engagement? This.

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Ordinarily, I’d say she was the jerk for looking through his phone. However, when your sneaking suspicion turns out to be right… then it’s just women’s intuition.


Long distance sucks, folks. We all know it. And college can be a particularly trying time, because every summer you have that pesky vacation when you might have to go home. And then you might not be around to play flipcup with your boyfriend and his fraternity brothers every week.

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Obviously. Who doesn’t want to welcome “the freshman experience” back into into their dorm room? He might as well have just said, “I’d like permission to gain 15 pounds, throw up on myself, and give you an STI in the fall.”


Welp, it’s important to know what you want.

No matter how mad

Because it doesn’t matter what I may say or do–as long as this is the sitcom where no matter how badly I screw up I still get laid? Life will be good.



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