As I’m sure we all agree, many a relationship has been saved in semantics.
Just kidding.
Hmmm. Maybe he’s calling her dumb? Somehow I think that’s worse.
Folks, what’s up with using other people to masturbate? Come on now.
Nothing like skipping ahead to the “comfortably disillusioned” phase right away!
It’s that time of year, again! When your eyes are assaulted by red and pink in all the shop windows, and when the conditioning to associate chocolate with sex kicks into high gear. (Man, I could use some chocolate, right about now…)
It’s almost Valentine’s Day! And in honor of that, we here are TMXS are taking off our lazy hat and putting on our re-purpose apron. That’s right, we are going to give you a countdown to the big day itself, when we will introduce our first new comic of 2015!
Remember this?
And it’s not that I’ve been totally lazy, if you’re wondering where the regular posts went. (Dare I flatter myself that you’ve wondered?) In the few months since regular updates stopped happening I moved countries, fulfilled two separate performance contracts in different states and saw a workshop production of a show that I’m writing go up across the pond. #humblebrag
But really the reason why I took a break was a nice dose of heartache. No, not another failed attempt at a relationship (although that happened, too), but some genuine TMXS-related heartache. We got rejected for a grant that would have made TMXS: The Series become reality right at your fingertips, and after riding that roller coaster of emotions it was time for a little break.
But like anyone who ignores the notion that insanity is the doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results, we’re back! After all, isn’t that what love is all about?
I see what you’re trying to do here with your feminine wiles. You’re trying to snare me.
Umm… no dude. She probably just wants to know how likely you are to give her an STD.
Come see your favorite quotes brought to life NEXT WEEK in ThingsMyExSaid: the Cabaret! May 12th and 16th, 7:30 PM in the Grand Ballroom at Sloan’s Glasgow. Part of the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland’s Candid Cabaret Series.
If you’re as big a fan of Arrested Development as I am, you know there are few things better than a good incest joke. But perhaps not when the butt of the joke is you.
Okay. first of all, would anyone even question why two people have the same last name? I mean, you’re married. Duh. Second of all, why is that funny? And if you aren’t married and have the same last name–well, that’s cool, but you might want to just double check that family tree and be sure. And 3rd of all…. does he really think that’s clever? You might want to look into whether there’s something to be said for kissing cousins and IQ, after all.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
You meet someone you like. You crush for a long time. They like you back. Sparks! Victory! Hurrah!
You go on a date. At the end of the night, the moment comes…
Seriously, what is the point? Only prudish granny kissing, please! And when we hold hands, if yours could go for the “limp noodle”, that’d be great.
…And get those fingers out of my hair.
Sometimes your next love interest can feel inadequate when it comes to the people you’ve dated before. Sometimes, that sense of inadequacy leaks out in a defensive jumble.
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Are you though? Are you different? You ended up on this website, so clearly something went wrong. Maybe she needed to realize you were totally insecure.
And she didn’t even get a car. How sad. What good is a relationship without a getaway vehicle?
Long distance sucks, folks. We all know it. And college can be a particularly trying time, because every summer you have that pesky vacation when you might have to go home. And then you might not be around to play flipcup with your boyfriend and his fraternity brothers every week.
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Obviously. Who doesn’t want to welcome “the freshman experience” back into into their dorm room? He might as well have just said, “I’d like permission to gain 15 pounds, throw up on myself, and give you an STI in the fall.”
To round out the weekend, I thought I’d level the playing field a bit. Here’s a quote by everyone, ever.
Not even if you and I had the last phones on earth.
I can think of more than just the obvious reason not to have sex with this guy.
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Clearly, he thinks the elephant in the room isn’t his absent girlfriend.
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