As I’m sure we all agree, many a relationship has been saved in semantics.
Just kidding.
Hmmm. Maybe he’s calling her dumb? Somehow I think that’s worse.
What’s good party etiquette? Not this.
What the….
At least he was honest? I don’t know if that’s better, actually. I appreciate a good manscape as much as the next girl, but during the party? Come on. Nobody’s that insecure, are they? Woof.
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Gag.
Ohmigosh! As a matter of fact, it was! How’d you guess? You must read my mind. That’s because we are purrrrfect together. Best pickup line, ever! Here are my panties.
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Sometimes, it’s just nice to know you’re appreciated.
Chances are, that could be true. In fact, I think I’ve even seen quirky Valentine’s cards with the same sentiment written on them. But unless you get away with that kind of humor, you don’t get away with that kind of humor. And since this quote got submitted to Things My Ex Said, I’m guessing he didn’t get away with it, in the long run.
Fatalistic, much? 
Listen, honey. It’s me or solitude for the rest of your life. Peace out.
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I’m having trouble following his logic.
I suppose we can’t blame him for trying. Wait a minute. Yes, we can.
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Ah, modern standards of beauty.
“You’re no cartoon face of a corporate brand, but I could still eat.”
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There are just some things you can’t re-gift. Check that. There are many things you can’t re-gift.
(Click to enlarge)
Seriously, guy, what part of that seemed like a good idea? No, she doesn’t want your ex-girlfriend’s bling. No, she doesn’t want to know you keep your ex-girlfriend’s bling. Yes, you’re probably going to have to surprise her with a real present to make up for this.
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Ah, love. Who doesn’t love to be in love? And to be loved in return? No strings, no ifs or clauses, just pure and simple love.
Let me guess. His definition involves sleeping with other people.
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It’s great when you feel secure in the knowledge that your partner loves you just the way you are.
Or that. While you’re at it, if you could lose the weight, bleach your hair, grow some tits, and fix your teeth…. yeah, that would be okay.
Happy Friday! This weekend’s challenge is to not be an asshole. Good luck! I see I have already failed.
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