Yep . . .That IS what he said.

Tag Archives: funny

I love a good non sequitur as much as the next geeky humorist, but this one makes no sense.

Drink was druggedExcuse me, miss? He wasn’t talking about anything funny. Unless you’re so disturbed by his news that the only response your brain can handle is to completely deny reality, there’s no reason or excuse for having that be your reply. Shame on you.

Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!

Yes, that is what he’s referring to.

Just sit on it

Apparently sometimes having a big dick can make you a big dick. And that’s called hashtagnotworthit.

The dates have been set for Things My Ex Said: The Cabaret! I’ll be coming to the Grand Ballroom of Sloan’s on May 12th and 16th, at 7:30 PM, 62 Argyll Arcade, 108 Argyll Street, Glasgow, G2 8BG. Part of the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland’s Candid Cabaret series. See your favorite quotes from the website come to life, paired with some bitchin’ 90s tunes!

Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!

If you’re as big a fan of Arrested Development as I am, you know there are few things better than a good incest joke. But perhaps not when the butt of the joke is you.

Brother and Sister

Okay. first of all, would anyone even question why two people have the same last name? I mean, you’re married. Duh. Second of all, why is that funny? And if you aren’t married and have the same last name–well, that’s cool, but you might want to just double check that family tree and be sure. And 3rd of all…. does he really think that’s clever? You might want to look into whether there’s something to be said for kissing cousins and IQ, after all.

Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!

Ever find out that your boyfriend thinks you’re kind of busted looking?

don't get your teeth

Not our kids. Your kids. Because I wouldn’t touch that with anything but a ten foot pole. Or my penis.

…Let’s hope his kids don’t inherit his tact.

Ah, romance.


Got a romantic memory you are proud to say you’re ashamed of? Submit your quote here and see the scenes from your life immortalized in digital art!

So I started this site to make fun of and achieve catharsis from my (and your) shitty ex-significant-others. Here’s what happens when one of my not shitty ex-boyfriends starts reading the site.

You Haven't Used Any QuotesFacepalm.

We’re doing something a little bit different, today! After amusing myself looking at our site stats,  I am pleased and proud to announce the following search terms were among those that have brought viewers to this site:

  • when is your birthday?
  • let’s be terrible together
  • what my ex said about my weight
  • drive me
  • dear ex boyfriend quotes
  • morning sex quotes
  • hope in our relationship quotes
  • high school pervy teacher
  • morning coffee and sex
  • how old is your momma
  • my ex says that I’m pretty, and fun
  • too fat to love
  • quotes about giving up
  • drugs madness
  • my ex boyfriend lied 2013
  • funny compliments
  • ex posting bad thing about ex
  • funny quotes about first dates with pictures
  • games hot sleep soulmate
  • losing things quotes
  • my ex said bad things
  • coffee sex quotes
  • trifecta of love
  • funny compliments
  • therapist says wtf

And last but not least, my favorite:

  • the hunger games porn

Guys, these search terms are awesome. Keep looking up weird shit. I’ll be there for you when you find me.

Don’t worry, on Wednesday we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled programming. And now, here’s an original 1950’s comic that needed none of my improving:

my future husband's past!

Click to Enlarge!

Never listen to rumors about your future husband’s past! You’ll ruin everything!!!

June is busting out all over! And so, perhaps, is she:



Remember folks, fat girls are funny. And thin ladies, try not to steal their thunder! ….And no, that’s not a “fat pun” I just made.

Right…… Let’s just focus on the important issue here: that guy was clueless.

It’s April Fool’s Day! So we thought you’d enjoy seeing one of the more foolish first-date quotes we’ve had submitted. When an attempt at a compliment goes very, very wrong…

funny 'cause you're fat wm

We give extra points for her sassy comeback line!

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