Folks, what’s up with using other people to masturbate? Come on now.
Nothing like skipping ahead to the “comfortably disillusioned” phase right away!
It’s that time of year, again! When your eyes are assaulted by red and pink in all the shop windows, and when the conditioning to associate chocolate with sex kicks into high gear. (Man, I could use some chocolate, right about now…)
It’s almost Valentine’s Day! And in honor of that, we here are TMXS are taking off our lazy hat and putting on our re-purpose apron. That’s right, we are going to give you a countdown to the big day itself, when we will introduce our first new comic of 2015!
Remember this?
And it’s not that I’ve been totally lazy, if you’re wondering where the regular posts went. (Dare I flatter myself that you’ve wondered?) In the few months since regular updates stopped happening I moved countries, fulfilled two separate performance contracts in different states and saw a workshop production of a show that I’m writing go up across the pond. #humblebrag
But really the reason why I took a break was a nice dose of heartache. No, not another failed attempt at a relationship (although that happened, too), but some genuine TMXS-related heartache. We got rejected for a grant that would have made TMXS: The Series become reality right at your fingertips, and after riding that roller coaster of emotions it was time for a little break.
But like anyone who ignores the notion that insanity is the doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results, we’re back! After all, isn’t that what love is all about?
Fatalistic, much? 
Listen, honey. It’s me or solitude for the rest of your life. Peace out.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
We’ve talked on this website before about what happens when you put on a “happy couple weight“. But add in the factor that your significant other may be a serial killer?
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They say people at risk for suicide are more likely to go through with it if they have a clear plan.
Guessing the same holds true for killing other people, as well. The joke’s on him, though! Looks like even with a plan it won’t be easy–after all, he would have to use both hands.
Got a stupid ex? Want something they said to live on in digital infamy? Submit your quotes to Things My Ex Said!
I wonder if he uses this pick up line on all the ladies.
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I’ve never dated a police officer, but to me this sounds like a bad crime procedural. Truth really is stranger than fiction. On the bright side, at least she knew he was unarmed!
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
Sometimes, life gives your relationship a test. In this case, we observe how this boyfriend and girlfriend would fare when it comes to the “in sickness and in health” part of a marriage vow.
Yikes. Better luck next time.
We’ll forgive that she refers to herself in the third person as “your beloved” for now, seeing as she’s nursing a heart condition. But maybe I should try that. “Hey honey, want to meet your beloved for a coffee after work?. . . No? Well your beloved misses you!” …Sounds like the setup for a horror movie.
Stay tuned next week for five full days of TMXS!
Trying to get out of the friend zone? Think again.
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Yeah, I know we’ve shared our deepest darkest secrets, hopes, and fears over Starbucks. And I know that you’d make the most considerate, respectful boyfriend, ever. But gingers need not apply.
Surprise! You’re the “other woman”.
Listen. When I took you out to dinner and brought you home, I thought you were doing that with the knowledge that my soon-to-be-ex-wife will be stopping by in the morning to pick up more of her stuff. Oh, and please disregard her panties hanging up to dry in the bathroom. You didn’t know I still had a wife? Well. That’s your fault. You should have checked my facebook relationship status.
This new year, I think I just might make the resolution to keep my big mouth shut.
Nah… that’s not gonna happen.
You guys. I just caught up on quote submissions over the weekend. And let me tell you. 2014 is going to be a wild ride. You folks have had some terrible relationships! Thanks for sharing. 🙂
This would be one thing if the guy was only, say, twelve years old. Or if they had been hanging out for longer than 45 minutes.
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I can hear the taunting from here…. Cowboy Jim likes girls, oooooh!
But seriously, lying is better than admitting I would hang out with you.
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