This would be one thing if the guy was only, say, twelve years old. Or if they had been hanging out for longer than 45 minutes.
(click to enlarge)
I can hear the taunting from here…. Cowboy Jim likes girls, oooooh!
But seriously, lying is better than admitting I would hang out with you.
What’s better than being taken out to dinner by your honey?
I’m all about being as frugal as possible, but if you’re taking someone out? Bitch can get a drank! If you’re that broke, take her on a long romantic walk.
Also, be kind to your waiters. Please don’t shout, “waiter!” Although in the context of this comic it is pretty perfect.
To round out the weekend, I thought I’d level the playing field a bit. Here’s a quote by everyone, ever.
Not even if you and I had the last phones on earth.
Suddenly, whatever is happening on your Monday isn’t going to seem so bad…
You’re welcome.
First dates. That stressful time to make a good impression.
Click to Enlarge
I don’t know if this guy thought he was sounding educated, or jaded, or funny…. but whatever he was going for, it didn’t work.
Here we are, on a beautiful moonlit night, wrapped in a passionate kiss.
Click to Enlarge
Because I wouldn’t want you to think this is, like regular Coke or something. As long as we’re clear that this is the aspartame of affection! Nothing real or natural, no substance and no nutritional value. Then sure, you can pop fizz all over my face.
Don’t you love the getting-to-know-each-other phase? When you can ask all those questions about what pets you like, and where your favorite restaurant is, and whether you believe in soul mates?
Welp, I suppose that’s true.
I don’t know about you ladies, but I like to go into a first date armed with a list of things I won’t do. Somewhere between the salad and the entrée is usually the right time to mention things like, “You’re never going to do me in the butt, by the way.” If possible, try to wait until he’s taken a big gulp of his drink.
Congratulations for Teesha44 for winning the title of Best Worst Break Up!!! You’ve turned that lemon of an ex into some sweet, sugary lemonade! What did Teesha44 win? Well, besides getting to treasure the terrible memory forever with this comic strip below, Teesha44 wins a signed copy of the new book Axing My Exes, by Jerrica Zeron.
Click to Enlarge
Want to read the whole break up story? Read the full winning entry here. A huge thanks to everyone who submitted their stories. And a special thank you to Jerrica Zeron for including ThingsMyExSaid in her contest!
Still got a terrible quote? Don’t worry! It may not come with a signed (hilarious) book, but you can still submit your quotes for free all day, every day, right here. 🙂
Wow. Guys, what not to say on a first date? It’s this.
And that chicken now has a better chance of getting lucky than you do. Surprise! The mirror can be cruel.
Are you serious?
Click to enlarge!
Here’s a tip for getting your mom’s present back from your girlfriend. Don’t give your mom’s present to your girlfriend.
thingsmyexsaid 