Yes, that is what he’s referring to.
Apparently sometimes having a big dick can make you a big dick. And that’s called hashtagnotworthit.
The dates have been set for Things My Ex Said: The Cabaret! I’ll be coming to the Grand Ballroom of Sloan’s on May 12th and 16th, at 7:30 PM, 62 Argyll Arcade, 108 Argyll Street, Glasgow, G2 8BG. Part of the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland’s Candid Cabaret series. See your favorite quotes from the website come to life, paired with some bitchin’ 90s tunes!
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
Okay guys, confession time! I dropped off the radar. And no, I didn’t care enough to call. The irony of my website is now complete, and I’ve turned into that guy.
I went home to New York City for reasons both professional and personal, and was quite frankly just having too much fun to dwell on all our shitty exes. Actually, that’s not true. There’s been a lot of work done on TMXS behind the scenes in my absence. Things My Ex Said: The Cabaret goes up next month! And we’ve been planning our presence this summer at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival! And maybe I got laid. That’s a big enough deal to forget all responsibility and commitments for, like, a month, right?
And so, in the spirit of self-interest, I bring you this guy:
There you have it, folks! Took him five years to figure out he should be living for himself. What a genius. I wonder how much longer it will take for her to figure out the same…
Man, it’s great to be back to our regularly scheduled sarcasm. I hope you’ve been enjoying the spring fever and making smart choices. But if you haven’t, you can still submit your quotes here and see them resurrected here on the website!
It’s been a little while since we had a quote where the girl was the obvious asshole. I think this one makes up for the dry spell.
A couple months into exclusively dating…
Ladies, what is it with you and cancer? Or is it with mothers? We have a terrible track record, here! So much for us being pegged as overly nurturing. It’s not like the guy asked you to fly home with him!
Also…. can we talk about how scary thin her waist is in this drawing? I guess I’d be a heinous bitch if my waist was the size of my bicep, too.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
Either she is fierce, or he needs to calm down.
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I’m sorry. You’re cooking for her? And you’re cooking something that requires some kind of preparation? I think you’re doing just fine. And if not… I’ll eat it! Just saying.
Peter Pan! Get over it!
May he find what he seeks and have the bank account to maintain it. Fly free, you withered, aging asshole.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
I’ve been thinking a lot about whether or not to ever post this comic. It’s not remotely funny. In fact, it still makes me pretty angry. But I keep thinking about all the joke articles saying the Malaysian plane has been found on the moon or in the Bermuda Triangle and such, and trying to imagine what coming across those jokes must feel like for the people who lost someone, rather than gained a mystery.
If you’ve been following TMXS for a while, you may remember that I have this pattern of being dumped when a terrible, horrendous disaster occurs close to my home. Well, here’s the next one.
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Two things I want you to know about this scenario:
1. That man is a schoolteacher. 2. He’s also the person who indirectly inspired the creation of this website.
All I can say is, it does affect you. Because if it’s not a terrible shooting, it’s a plane crash. We are all destined to feel loss in searing, profound ways. Let’s use humor to rise above the pain and help each other. But if there’s one thing I hope this website teaches people, it’s to think about what you say, and what it means. We’re all in this together in a global way we’ve never been before.
Adultery is totally cool, but don’t you dare take the name of our Lord in vain.
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Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
If you’re as big a fan of Arrested Development as I am, you know there are few things better than a good incest joke. But perhaps not when the butt of the joke is you.
Okay. first of all, would anyone even question why two people have the same last name? I mean, you’re married. Duh. Second of all, why is that funny? And if you aren’t married and have the same last name–well, that’s cool, but you might want to just double check that family tree and be sure. And 3rd of all…. does he really think that’s clever? You might want to look into whether there’s something to be said for kissing cousins and IQ, after all.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
Your wife is pregnant. Congratulations! Now, guest artist “O” reminds us to never, ever say this:
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Seriously. You might as well relocate to the garage, because the sleeping on the couch is officially too good for you.
Want to see more of this artist’s work? Check out www.0thehumanity.tumblr.com to see his full range of comics! Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
We had a fabulous time yesterday exhibiting our comics at an International Women’s Day event in Glasgow! Thanks to all involved. Wonderful and inspiring stories shared by the presenters, new quotes from new readers, and new friends to boot! Stay tuned for more in-person exhibitions of ThingsMyExSaid quotes in the future!
Today’s quote carries on the theme of gender roles lifestyle choices…
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How dare you? When you could be doing other worthwhile things like watching wrestling on TV, making me dinner, or giving me–ahem–attention. Selfish, selfish, selfish.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
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