Love comes with patience and understanding. . .
. . . Except when the man you’re dating thinks he’s twelve. You owe her one oversized stuffed animal from the water gun game, buddy!
If there is one thing exes aren’t good for, it’s swag.
Wait a minute, the next guy you date is supposed to be less of a tool. This is backwards.
There’s that heart-fluttering moment when you look at your sweetheart and think, “what a man.”
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. . .Don’t hold your breath.
I feel like Jeff Foxworthy should have a stand up routine titled, “You just might be a sociopath.”
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You’re right. Telling me solves everything. It doesn’t make you a selfish criminal, and it doesn’t highlight how little respect you have for me. I’m so glad you didn’t get wet in the rain, sweetie. Here’s a beer.
Sometimes, there’s more drama offstage than on.
I’m going to wager that his thoughts, had we filled in the words instead of a lingering ellipsis, would have been something like this.
What’s a little fraud between sweethearts?
Nope. It’s not totally fine. There is nothing fine about this.
Long distance sucks, folks. We all know it. And college can be a particularly trying time, because every summer you have that pesky vacation when you might have to go home. And then you might not be around to play flipcup with your boyfriend and his fraternity brothers every week.
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Obviously. Who doesn’t want to welcome “the freshman experience” back into into their dorm room? He might as well have just said, “I’d like permission to gain 15 pounds, throw up on myself, and give you an STI in the fall.”
Welp, it’s important to know what you want.
Because it doesn’t matter what I may say or do–as long as this is the sitcom where no matter how badly I screw up I still get laid? Life will be good.
Just a friendly Monday morning reminder to atone for the mistakes you made last weekend.
What’s the most efficient way to get your significant other to never trust you again? That, right there.
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