Welp, it’s important to know what you want.
Because it doesn’t matter what I may say or do–as long as this is the sitcom where no matter how badly I screw up I still get laid? Life will be good.
Just a friendly Monday morning reminder to atone for the mistakes you made last weekend.
What’s the most efficient way to get your significant other to never trust you again? That, right there.
I can think of more than just the obvious reason not to have sex with this guy.
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Clearly, he thinks the elephant in the room isn’t his absent girlfriend.
Suddenly, whatever is happening on your Monday isn’t going to seem so bad…
You’re welcome.
May you never be in a relationship that gets to this point:
Have an intimate and affectionate weekend, everybody! Whatever that means to you. Unfortunately for her, it meant some naked time.
Don’t you love the getting-to-know-each-other phase? When you can ask all those questions about what pets you like, and where your favorite restaurant is, and whether you believe in soul mates?
Welp, I suppose that’s true.
I don’t know about you ladies, but I like to go into a first date armed with a list of things I won’t do. Somewhere between the salad and the entrée is usually the right time to mention things like, “You’re never going to do me in the butt, by the way.” If possible, try to wait until he’s taken a big gulp of his drink.
Congratulations for Teesha44 for winning the title of Best Worst Break Up!!! You’ve turned that lemon of an ex into some sweet, sugary lemonade! What did Teesha44 win? Well, besides getting to treasure the terrible memory forever with this comic strip below, Teesha44 wins a signed copy of the new book Axing My Exes, by Jerrica Zeron.
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Want to read the whole break up story? Read the full winning entry here. A huge thanks to everyone who submitted their stories. And a special thank you to Jerrica Zeron for including ThingsMyExSaid in her contest!
Still got a terrible quote? Don’t worry! It may not come with a signed (hilarious) book, but you can still submit your quotes for free all day, every day, right here. 🙂
Oh dear God.
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This is the stuff of my nightmares.
ThingsMyExSaid will be taking the day off this Friday, because I’m moving from New York City to Scotland! But we’ll be back on Monday with our regularly scheduled programming. And don’t forget, The Best Worst Break Up Story Contest is still running until September 25th!
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