Sometimes, there’s more drama offstage than on.
I’m going to wager that his thoughts, had we filled in the words instead of a lingering ellipsis, would have been something like this.
This guy probably had the best of intentions… but he loses all points in the delivery.
“Get ready, because I’m marking you as mine. Your body is about to go to from wonderland to wasteland in five…four…three…two…”
Let’s just hope he can chill out enough to stop thinking of “all other men” while they’re in the bedroom.
What’s better than being taken out to dinner by your honey?
I’m all about being as frugal as possible, but if you’re taking someone out? Bitch can get a drank! If you’re that broke, take her on a long romantic walk.
Also, be kind to your waiters. Please don’t shout, “waiter!” Although in the context of this comic it is pretty perfect.
What’s a little fraud between sweethearts?
Nope. It’s not totally fine. There is nothing fine about this.
Welp, it’s important to know what you want.
Because it doesn’t matter what I may say or do–as long as this is the sitcom where no matter how badly I screw up I still get laid? Life will be good.
I get an awful lot of quotes about people who have cheated on each other. But this guy has entwined his infidelity with a “blame-the-victim” mentality in a way I’ve never seen before.
Yep. That’ll show her.
To round out the weekend, I thought I’d level the playing field a bit. Here’s a quote by everyone, ever.
Not even if you and I had the last phones on earth.
I can think of more than just the obvious reason not to have sex with this guy.
Click to Enlarge
Clearly, he thinks the elephant in the room isn’t his absent girlfriend.
It’s really inconvenient when you make me have to destroy the evidence.
I mean, I’d love to share all these conversations with you, but you think I’m being a shifty bastard.
Deciding to break up with someone is rarely easy. After all, a lot of time and emotion has been invested into the relationship. But for one guy with an apparent flair for accounting, the choice was simple.
Insert dick joke here.
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