Okay. Let’s get one thing straight. She looks good.
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Don’t criticize my hair. That’s my mother’s job.
There’s that heart-fluttering moment when you look at your sweetheart and think, “what a man.”
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. . .Don’t hold your breath.
This new year, I think I just might make the resolution to keep my big mouth shut.
Nah… that’s not gonna happen.
You guys. I just caught up on quote submissions over the weekend. And let me tell you. 2014 is going to be a wild ride. You folks have had some terrible relationships! Thanks for sharing. 🙂
I’ll be taking next week off, folks! I’m traveling around Europe and probably going to be too hungover to even look at a computer screen. But since it’s winter and it’s cold, I wanted to leave you all with warm thoughts. To send us off, here’s a quote that makes me think of the sticky, sweaty, dusty, don’t-touch-me part of summertime.
You’re right. Let me slip into that cute Banana Republic wrap dress I bought on sale for $80 and never wear because I’m afraid I’ll get pit stains in it. That will look great when I give the old mare a rub down.
That’s all for now, folks! Have a happy holiday and a great New Year. And remember, if you want to see quotes from your own misadventures in love up here in 2014, send them in!
I feel like Jeff Foxworthy should have a stand up routine titled, “You just might be a sociopath.”
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You’re right. Telling me solves everything. It doesn’t make you a selfish criminal, and it doesn’t highlight how little respect you have for me. I’m so glad you didn’t get wet in the rain, sweetie. Here’s a beer.
You know what really turns me on? Whining.
Why don’t you whine some more and then I’ll go slip into something a little more comfortable.
Boys, as Christmas approaches. . . Whenever we say “Oh, don’t be silly, you don’t need to get me anything,” it means “I want to be so special to you that you had to get me something, even though I pretended not to be materialistic when I was trying to get you to stop playing video games and kiss me the other day.” That is what it means.
Consider today’s quote a cautionary tale.
I don’t blame you for not finding the right gift amongst the Spongebob Squarepants socks and blindingly neon lingerie of the mall, but how about flowers, you lazy f*ck?
Sometimes, there’s more drama offstage than on.
I’m going to wager that his thoughts, had we filled in the words instead of a lingering ellipsis, would have been something like this.
This would be one thing if the guy was only, say, twelve years old. Or if they had been hanging out for longer than 45 minutes.
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I can hear the taunting from here…. Cowboy Jim likes girls, oooooh!
But seriously, lying is better than admitting I would hang out with you.
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