Have you ever been dumped for a set of reasons that seemed totally mysterious and vague? Where you felt like you never really got a sense of what your former lover was actually thinking? Just a gray wash of disconnect that left you agonized, guessing and conjecturing to the cosmos about what went wrong?
Well, that wasn’t the case here.
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At least this guy has a clear set of priorities.
You gotta love the break ups that are full of flattery. “Oh my God. You smell amazing! No no no, don’t get any closer to me or I might throw up. But that smell… wow! You should be really happy with yourself.”
Break Ups 101: Don’t spend the first part of your break up conversation making out with your target.
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The countdown to Valentine’s Day continues!
Today we’re doing something brand new. This is the first quote posted here on TMXS that did not, I repeat, did not actually happen! (At least, to the best of my knowledge…) But I’ve included this quote here because this is something I find myself wishing I’ve said. And I realized that none of the quotes on here vilify me. But I’m sure there are horrible, thoughtless, crazy things I’ve said and have just conveniently buffed them over in my memory.
But this is something I’ve wanted to say more than once. And, quite frankly, I think it makes a perfectly legitimate dealbreaker.
And there you have it. A window into my dark pedantic soul.
I think this might be the most awkward agreement to dissolve an engagement, ever.
What came next? Awkward silence? That moment when you say, “Wait a minute. . . did we just. . . break up?” (Beat.) “I think so.” ? Or were they just like, “Aight, bye.” ?
The world may never know.
This is almost like one of those marketing tactics where you drop a worse bomb so that your bad news doesn’t seem so bad. Almost.
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Oh wait. That’s way f*cking worse.
What’s the quickest way to end an engagement? This.
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Ordinarily, I’d say she was the jerk for looking through his phone. However, when your sneaking suspicion turns out to be right… then it’s just women’s intuition.
Long distance sucks, folks. We all know it. And college can be a particularly trying time, because every summer you have that pesky vacation when you might have to go home. And then you might not be around to play flipcup with your boyfriend and his fraternity brothers every week.
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Obviously. Who doesn’t want to welcome “the freshman experience” back into into their dorm room? He might as well have just said, “I’d like permission to gain 15 pounds, throw up on myself, and give you an STI in the fall.”
I get an awful lot of quotes about people who have cheated on each other. But this guy has entwined his infidelity with a “blame-the-victim” mentality in a way I’ve never seen before.
Yep. That’ll show her.
Deciding to break up with someone is rarely easy. After all, a lot of time and emotion has been invested into the relationship. But for one guy with an apparent flair for accounting, the choice was simple.
Insert dick joke here.
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