Peter Pan! Get over it!
May he find what he seeks and have the bank account to maintain it. Fly free, you withered, aging asshole.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
Big news today! I am happy to announce that Things My Ex Said: the Cabaret will premiere in Glasgow this May! Produced in association with The Royal Conservatoire of Scotland, we’ll be lighting up the stage with some of your favorite quotes from this website and some of your favorite angsty 90s rock tunes.
More details to come! We’ll be on at the Grand Ballroom in Sloan’s the week of May 12!
And now, in honor of our first official band rehearsal and production meeting, here’s another quote you may be shocked to discover comes from my own life. (Two in a row! We’re on a spree!)
Guess which one I chose.
I’ve been thinking a lot about whether or not to ever post this comic. It’s not remotely funny. In fact, it still makes me pretty angry. But I keep thinking about all the joke articles saying the Malaysian plane has been found on the moon or in the Bermuda Triangle and such, and trying to imagine what coming across those jokes must feel like for the people who lost someone, rather than gained a mystery.
If you’ve been following TMXS for a while, you may remember that I have this pattern of being dumped when a terrible, horrendous disaster occurs close to my home. Well, here’s the next one.
(click to enlarge)
Two things I want you to know about this scenario:
1. That man is a schoolteacher. 2. He’s also the person who indirectly inspired the creation of this website.
All I can say is, it does affect you. Because if it’s not a terrible shooting, it’s a plane crash. We are all destined to feel loss in searing, profound ways. Let’s use humor to rise above the pain and help each other. But if there’s one thing I hope this website teaches people, it’s to think about what you say, and what it means. We’re all in this together in a global way we’ve never been before.
Adultery is totally cool, but don’t you dare take the name of our Lord in vain.
(click to enlarge)
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
If you’re as big a fan of Arrested Development as I am, you know there are few things better than a good incest joke. But perhaps not when the butt of the joke is you.
Okay. first of all, would anyone even question why two people have the same last name? I mean, you’re married. Duh. Second of all, why is that funny? And if you aren’t married and have the same last name–well, that’s cool, but you might want to just double check that family tree and be sure. And 3rd of all…. does he really think that’s clever? You might want to look into whether there’s something to be said for kissing cousins and IQ, after all.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
We had a fabulous time yesterday exhibiting our comics at an International Women’s Day event in Glasgow! Thanks to all involved. Wonderful and inspiring stories shared by the presenters, new quotes from new readers, and new friends to boot! Stay tuned for more in-person exhibitions of ThingsMyExSaid quotes in the future!
Today’s quote carries on the theme of gender roles lifestyle choices…
(click to enlarge)
How dare you? When you could be doing other worthwhile things like watching wrestling on TV, making me dinner, or giving me–ahem–attention. Selfish, selfish, selfish.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
I wonder if he uses this pick up line on all the ladies.
(click to enlarge)
I’ve never dated a police officer, but to me this sounds like a bad crime procedural. Truth really is stranger than fiction. On the bright side, at least she knew he was unarmed!
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
Let me clear up one mystery of the mythology of Woman. When we’re little, around 7 or 8 years old, we discover we fall into a category: we can be pretty, or we can be smart. Sometimes, life chooses for us. Other times, it’s a conscious choice we make that shapes the entirety of our lives. But never, never can a girl be both.
Oh wait. That’s pure and utter bullshit.
Thanks, guy. I’m glad you came in with low expectations!
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
In a truly committed relationship, it’s important to be selfless…
Wait a minute. What?! How can he expect anyone to actually fall for that? And yet, why do I imagine someone has?
Listen. In a relationship, it’s important to be selfish. It should be a relationship with someone you want. He or she should treat you the way you want. And you should behave like the person you want to be in relationship. And if the person you want to be happens to not be diseased and pregnant, then you know this guy is full of crap.
…What if she replied with, “Actually, I’m protecting you, since I have syphilis.”
Have you ever been dumped for a set of reasons that seemed totally mysterious and vague? Where you felt like you never really got a sense of what your former lover was actually thinking? Just a gray wash of disconnect that left you agonized, guessing and conjecturing to the cosmos about what went wrong?
Well, that wasn’t the case here.
(click to enlarge)
At least this guy has a clear set of priorities.
thingsmyexsaid 