Welp, it’s important to know what you want.
Because it doesn’t matter what I may say or do–as long as this is the sitcom where no matter how badly I screw up I still get laid? Life will be good.
I get an awful lot of quotes about people who have cheated on each other. But this guy has entwined his infidelity with a “blame-the-victim” mentality in a way I’ve never seen before.
Yep. That’ll show her.
Just a friendly Monday morning reminder to atone for the mistakes you made last weekend.
What’s the most efficient way to get your significant other to never trust you again? That, right there.
To round out the weekend, I thought I’d level the playing field a bit. Here’s a quote by everyone, ever.
Not even if you and I had the last phones on earth.
I can think of more than just the obvious reason not to have sex with this guy.
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Clearly, he thinks the elephant in the room isn’t his absent girlfriend.
It’s really inconvenient when you make me have to destroy the evidence.
I mean, I’d love to share all these conversations with you, but you think I’m being a shifty bastard.
Deciding to break up with someone is rarely easy. After all, a lot of time and emotion has been invested into the relationship. But for one guy with an apparent flair for accounting, the choice was simple.
Insert dick joke here.
Nothing like security, right? Job security, financial security, relationship security….
I’d start worrying now, if I were you.
Gentlemen, when flirting with a gal it’s important to lead with your best foot forward.
It’s important to me to know where I stand in the hierarchy of hotness at any given time. Thanks for the update.
Are you a sentimentalist or a pragmatist when it comes to a break up? Do you keep the mementos, or sell them to the highest bidder?
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Guess we’re going sentimental on this one.
thingsmyexsaid 