Ever find out that your boyfriend thinks you’re kind of busted looking?
Not our kids. Your kids. Because I wouldn’t touch that with anything but a ten foot pole. Or my penis.
…Let’s hope his kids don’t inherit his tact.
Love comes with patience and understanding. . .
. . . Except when the man you’re dating thinks he’s twelve. You owe her one oversized stuffed animal from the water gun game, buddy!
If there is one thing exes aren’t good for, it’s swag.
Wait a minute, the next guy you date is supposed to be less of a tool. This is backwards.
Okay. Let’s get one thing straight. She looks good.
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Don’t criticize my hair. That’s my mother’s job.
There’s that heart-fluttering moment when you look at your sweetheart and think, “what a man.”
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. . .Don’t hold your breath.
This new year, I think I just might make the resolution to keep my big mouth shut.
Nah… that’s not gonna happen.
You guys. I just caught up on quote submissions over the weekend. And let me tell you. 2014 is going to be a wild ride. You folks have had some terrible relationships! Thanks for sharing. 🙂
You know what really turns me on? Whining.
Why don’t you whine some more and then I’ll go slip into something a little more comfortable.
This would be one thing if the guy was only, say, twelve years old. Or if they had been hanging out for longer than 45 minutes.
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I can hear the taunting from here…. Cowboy Jim likes girls, oooooh!
But seriously, lying is better than admitting I would hang out with you.
This is almost like one of those marketing tactics where you drop a worse bomb so that your bad news doesn’t seem so bad. Almost.
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Oh wait. That’s way f*cking worse.
thingsmyexsaid 