Let me clear up one mystery of the mythology of Woman. When we’re little, around 7 or 8 years old, we discover we fall into a category: we can be pretty, or we can be smart. Sometimes, life chooses for us. Other times, it’s a conscious choice we make that shapes the entirety of our lives. But never, never can a girl be both.
Oh wait. That’s pure and utter bullshit.
Thanks, guy. I’m glad you came in with low expectations!
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
We’re kicking off this week with another comic by “O”!
Break ups are never easy. Even if it’s what you want. But sometimes, they’re just freaking weird.
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Is this bribery? An attempt at a guilt trip? Denial? I’ve heard of killing somebody with kindness, but I just don’t know what to make of this scenario. Talk about trying to win the break up.
Want to see more of this artist’s work? Check out www.0thehumanity.tumblr.com to see his full range of comics!
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
In a truly committed relationship, it’s important to be selfless…
Wait a minute. What?! How can he expect anyone to actually fall for that? And yet, why do I imagine someone has?
Listen. In a relationship, it’s important to be selfish. It should be a relationship with someone you want. He or she should treat you the way you want. And you should behave like the person you want to be in relationship. And if the person you want to be happens to not be diseased and pregnant, then you know this guy is full of crap.
…What if she replied with, “Actually, I’m protecting you, since I have syphilis.”
I sure seem to get a lot of quotes that touch on this theme. Makes me wonder. . . how many dates with a douche does it take to get to this point? One? Two? Three? Ten? It’s like the tootsie pop riddle for the new millennium.
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I’m going to venture that no, she doesn’t.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid! And stay tuned next week for all-new comics by our first guest artist!
Shopping with your significant other can be dangerous territory.
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“When” I look good? When I look good I’m going to try on a different style of boyfriend. Oh wait. I already do.
If somebody actually “allows” you to do this, maybe it’s not the right circumstance to say thank you. I think that’s gotta be the kind of thing where you push it deep under the rug and never talk about it again.
. . .Do you think he said please?
Okay. I think this one needs more explanation. Like, did she actually allow him an affair? Does she get to have one now, too? Did he actually think she could stop him? “What if” she kicked him in the face?
Happy Valentine’s Day! One year ago today this little blog was born. And what a year it’s been! I couldn’t have done it, quite literally, without all of you. Thank you for your quotes and your input! Hopefully we’ve all had a chance to laugh at some cringe-worthy memories and make them a little less painful.
Coming up in 2014 we’ve got some big plans for Things My Ex Said! Stay tuned for guest artists, new levels of horrible exes, and so much more. But first, in honor of the Day of Love, here is the grossest, weirdest, least romantic quote I may have ever read.
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The non sequitur. The presumption. The….herpes. Who is this person, and how do we keep him from ever telling someone she is “going to have to learn to love” his herpes, ever again? Listen, guy: It doesn’t matter which hole you’re aiming for. Keep that diseased stick and it’s entitled attitude zipped up.
Nobody is going to learn to love your herpes until you love yourself. Happy Valentine’s Day!
You meet someone you like. You crush for a long time. They like you back. Sparks! Victory! Hurrah!
You go on a date. At the end of the night, the moment comes…
Seriously, what is the point? Only prudish granny kissing, please! And when we hold hands, if yours could go for the “limp noodle”, that’d be great.
…And get those fingers out of my hair.
You know, sometimes it’s okay to just agree and say “yeah, that would be cool.”
This was one of those times.
Facepalm.
This might be the worst compliment ever. Not because there is anything wrong with size 4 or any other size out there, but because he’s using the compliment to make himself sound like a better person by hinting that he might be the best she can get.
She might as well have said, “I really love your face. A lot of women don’t like it, but I enjoy being with someone who’s less attractive than me.”
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