Yes, that is what he’s referring to.
Apparently sometimes having a big dick can make you a big dick. And that’s called hashtagnotworthit.
The dates have been set for Things My Ex Said: The Cabaret! I’ll be coming to the Grand Ballroom of Sloan’s on May 12th and 16th, at 7:30 PM, 62 Argyll Arcade, 108 Argyll Street, Glasgow, G2 8BG. Part of the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland’s Candid Cabaret series. See your favorite quotes from the website come to life, paired with some bitchin’ 90s tunes!
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
Okay guys, confession time! I dropped off the radar. And no, I didn’t care enough to call. The irony of my website is now complete, and I’ve turned into that guy.
I went home to New York City for reasons both professional and personal, and was quite frankly just having too much fun to dwell on all our shitty exes. Actually, that’s not true. There’s been a lot of work done on TMXS behind the scenes in my absence. Things My Ex Said: The Cabaret goes up next month! And we’ve been planning our presence this summer at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival! And maybe I got laid. That’s a big enough deal to forget all responsibility and commitments for, like, a month, right?
And so, in the spirit of self-interest, I bring you this guy:
There you have it, folks! Took him five years to figure out he should be living for himself. What a genius. I wonder how much longer it will take for her to figure out the same…
Man, it’s great to be back to our regularly scheduled sarcasm. I hope you’ve been enjoying the spring fever and making smart choices. But if you haven’t, you can still submit your quotes here and see them resurrected here on the website!
It’s been a little while since we had a quote where the girl was the obvious asshole. I think this one makes up for the dry spell.
A couple months into exclusively dating…
Ladies, what is it with you and cancer? Or is it with mothers? We have a terrible track record, here! So much for us being pegged as overly nurturing. It’s not like the guy asked you to fly home with him!
Also…. can we talk about how scary thin her waist is in this drawing? I guess I’d be a heinous bitch if my waist was the size of my bicep, too.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
A person’s body is their own business, but I do think important for partners to be on the same page when it comes to stuff like illegal substances.
“Hi honey. Did you get high last night? Want some breakfast to take the edge off that comedown? Or maybe a blowjob?”
Classic addict behavior. Turns the situation around to insinuate that it’s her fault she didn’t know he took drugs. What else is he keeping from her? And how many times has this happened before? Was it his first time smoking pot, or his fourth time out of rehab?
Or maybe she wanted to know because she was upset not to be a part of the action. Either way, sharing is caring.
Don’t you despise long-distance relationships? When you finally find the one and then rearrange your life to be with them?
Well, this takes only wanting what you can’t have to a whole new level.
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Oh thanks, dude. Could have given me a heads-up that you were that strapped for a fuck buddy back home.
Either she is fierce, or he needs to calm down.
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I’m sorry. You’re cooking for her? And you’re cooking something that requires some kind of preparation? I think you’re doing just fine. And if not… I’ll eat it! Just saying.
Peter Pan! Get over it!
May he find what he seeks and have the bank account to maintain it. Fly free, you withered, aging asshole.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
Big news today! I am happy to announce that Things My Ex Said: the Cabaret will premiere in Glasgow this May! Produced in association with The Royal Conservatoire of Scotland, we’ll be lighting up the stage with some of your favorite quotes from this website and some of your favorite angsty 90s rock tunes.
More details to come! We’ll be on at the Grand Ballroom in Sloan’s the week of May 12!
And now, in honor of our first official band rehearsal and production meeting, here’s another quote you may be shocked to discover comes from my own life. (Two in a row! We’re on a spree!)
Guess which one I chose.
Adultery is totally cool, but don’t you dare take the name of our Lord in vain.
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Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
If you’re as big a fan of Arrested Development as I am, you know there are few things better than a good incest joke. But perhaps not when the butt of the joke is you.
Okay. first of all, would anyone even question why two people have the same last name? I mean, you’re married. Duh. Second of all, why is that funny? And if you aren’t married and have the same last name–well, that’s cool, but you might want to just double check that family tree and be sure. And 3rd of all…. does he really think that’s clever? You might want to look into whether there’s something to be said for kissing cousins and IQ, after all.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
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