Yep . . .That IS what he said.

Tag Archives: couples

Have you ever been dumped for a set of reasons that seemed totally mysterious and vague? Where you felt like you never really got a sense of what your former lover was actually thinking? Just a gray wash of disconnect that left you agonized, guessing and conjecturing to the cosmos about what went wrong?

Well, that wasn’t the case here.

not a real runner

(click to enlarge)

At least this guy has a clear set of priorities.


Happy Valentine’s Day! One year ago today this little blog was born. And what a year it’s been! I couldn’t have done it, quite literally, without all of you. Thank you for your quotes and your input! Hopefully we’ve all had a chance to laugh at some cringe-worthy memories and make them a little less painful.

Coming up in 2014 we’ve got some big plans for Things My Ex Said! Stay tuned for guest artists, new levels of horrible exes, and so much more. But first, in honor of the Day of Love, here is the grossest, weirdest, least romantic quote I may have ever read.

(click to enlarge)

(click to enlarge)

The non sequitur. The presumption. The….herpes. Who is this person, and how do we keep him from ever telling someone she is “going to have to learn to love” his herpes, ever again? Listen, guy: It doesn’t matter which hole you’re aiming for. Keep that diseased stick and it’s entitled attitude zipped up.

Nobody is going to learn to love your herpes until you love yourself. Happy Valentine’s Day!


You meet someone you like. You crush for a long time. They like you back. Sparks! Victory! Hurrah!

You go on a date. At the end of the night, the moment comes…

passionate kissing

Seriously, what is the point? Only prudish granny kissing, please! And when we hold hands, if yours could go for the “limp noodle”, that’d be great.

…And get those fingers out of my hair.


Sometimes your next love interest can feel inadequate when it comes to the people you’ve dated before. Sometimes, that sense of inadequacy leaks out in a defensive jumble.

(click to enlarge)

(click to enlarge)

Are you though? Are you different? You ended up on this website, so clearly something went wrong. Maybe she needed to realize you were totally insecure.

And she didn’t even get a car. How sad. What good is a relationship without a getaway vehicle?


Eventually, you reach that point in a crumbling relationship where even routine physical intimacy becomes too much of a chore.

aren't you frustrated?

Oh wow! Brilliant! Why didn’t I think of that? Honey, you’re a genius. Way to skirt the issue.


Love comes with patience and understanding. . .

Ride the rollercoaster

. . . Except when the man you’re dating thinks he’s twelve. You owe her one oversized stuffed animal from the water gun game, buddy!


I’ll be taking next week off, folks! I’m traveling around Europe and probably going to be too hungover to even look at a computer screen. But since it’s winter and it’s cold, I wanted to leave you all with warm thoughts. To send us off, here’s a quote that makes me think of the sticky, sweaty, dusty, don’t-touch-me part of summertime.

starting to look like a lez

You’re right. Let me slip into that cute Banana Republic wrap dress I bought on sale for $80 and never wear because I’m afraid I’ll get pit stains in it. That will look great when I give the old mare a rub down.

That’s all for now, folks! Have a happy holiday and a great New Year. And remember, if you want to see quotes from your own misadventures in love up here in 2014, send them in!


Suddenly, whatever is happening on your Monday isn’t going to seem so bad…

lube and gelYou’re welcome.


You know what? Sometimes guys aren’t mean. Sometimes they think you’re smokin’ hot.

CLICK TO ENLARGE!

CLICK TO ENLARGE!

No, guy. I think the question is, what else are you looking for? Because that nice body probably has a nice person inside. Or at least a nice face.


Continuing the saga from Wednesday…

You're not perfect

I’ll settle for you, baby.



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