I’m having trouble following his logic.
I suppose we can’t blame him for trying. Wait a minute. Yes, we can.
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It’s good for people to understand their priorities in relationships.
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This has got to be one of the hands down worst ways of explaining to someone that she isn’t pretty enough to be your girlfriend. Also, this whole list thing is just pretty cringe-y in general. Might as well call this “10 Things I Wish I Loved About You.”
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In every casual dating situation, there comes that moment when it’s time to take the next step and become exclusive.
…Or not.
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May that little hardened lump of carbon bring him much happiness. This lady will never look at the Tiffany’s shop window in the same way again.
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It’s always extra awkward to break up with someone around a major holiday or birthday, anniversary, etc. But when you add in the complication of a terrible disease? The rules of conduct just don’t exist.
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You want to feel bad for her. And him. But not him. But her. But him. But fuck him! But how can you say fuck him? He has cancer! My brain! It’s melting! My compassion doesn’t know what to do with this situation! I’m going cross-eyed.
How about this. Don’t use people? Period. Live life to the fullest extent you can, and if your fullest life isn’t envisioned with that supportive person, let that person go. Or if you get a new chance at life, live it with integrity… but maybe figure it out before you accept all the birthday presents.
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Not to knock the power of prayer, or any sort of spirituality… But when you’re dissolving an engagement, the futility of your messages to God aren’t going to make her feel any better.
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Yeah, “sorry” isn’t gonna cut it, either.
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A lot of attention is paid to pick-up lines. Particularly, bad pick-up lines. But attention should also be paid to “put-down” lines. There’s an art to letting someone down easy. And a tactless put-down leaves you flat on your ass.
This guy sounds like he took his lessons from classic movies… which, I suppose, isn’t the worst place to draw from. But it earned him no points in the tact department.
“Here’s lookin’ at you, kid. Or rather, here’s to not having to look at you ever again.”
Speaking of over, Things My Ex Said: the Cabaret closed to packed houses in Glasgow this weekend! We had a fantastic time. Stay tuned for pictures and video to follow!
Okay guys, confession time! I dropped off the radar. And no, I didn’t care enough to call. The irony of my website is now complete, and I’ve turned into that guy.
I went home to New York City for reasons both professional and personal, and was quite frankly just having too much fun to dwell on all our shitty exes. Actually, that’s not true. There’s been a lot of work done on TMXS behind the scenes in my absence. Things My Ex Said: The Cabaret goes up next month! And we’ve been planning our presence this summer at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival! And maybe I got laid. That’s a big enough deal to forget all responsibility and commitments for, like, a month, right?
And so, in the spirit of self-interest, I bring you this guy:
There you have it, folks! Took him five years to figure out he should be living for himself. What a genius. I wonder how much longer it will take for her to figure out the same…
Man, it’s great to be back to our regularly scheduled sarcasm. I hope you’ve been enjoying the spring fever and making smart choices. But if you haven’t, you can still submit your quotes here and see them resurrected here on the website!
It’s been a little while since we had a quote where the girl was the obvious asshole. I think this one makes up for the dry spell.
A couple months into exclusively dating…
Ladies, what is it with you and cancer? Or is it with mothers? We have a terrible track record, here! So much for us being pegged as overly nurturing. It’s not like the guy asked you to fly home with him!
Also…. can we talk about how scary thin her waist is in this drawing? I guess I’d be a heinous bitch if my waist was the size of my bicep, too.
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Don’t you despise long-distance relationships? When you finally find the one and then rearrange your life to be with them?
Well, this takes only wanting what you can’t have to a whole new level.
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Oh thanks, dude. Could have given me a heads-up that you were that strapped for a fuck buddy back home.
Either she is fierce, or he needs to calm down.
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I’m sorry. You’re cooking for her? And you’re cooking something that requires some kind of preparation? I think you’re doing just fine. And if not… I’ll eat it! Just saying.
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