Yep . . .That IS what he said.

Category Archives: Sex

Don’t you despise long-distance relationships? When you finally find the one and then rearrange your life to be with them?

Well, this takes only wanting what you can’t have to a whole new level.

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Oh thanks, dude. Could have given me a heads-up that you were that strapped for a fuck buddy back home.


Adultery is totally cool, but don’t you dare take the name of our Lord in vain.

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Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!


We had a fabulous time yesterday exhibiting our comics at an International Women’s Day event in Glasgow! Thanks to all involved. Wonderful and inspiring stories shared by the presenters, new quotes from new readers, and new friends to boot! Stay tuned for more in-person exhibitions of ThingsMyExSaid quotes in the future!

Today’s quote carries on the theme of gender roles lifestyle choices…

Law School

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How dare you? When you could be doing other worthwhile things like watching wrestling on TV, making me dinner, or giving me–ahem–attention. Selfish, selfish, selfish.

Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!


In a truly committed relationship, it’s important to be selfless…

YOU'RE SO SELFISH

Wait a minute. What?! How can he expect anyone to actually fall for that? And yet, why do I imagine someone has?

Listen. In a relationship, it’s important to be selfish. It should be a relationship with someone you want. He or she should treat you the way you want. And you should behave like the person you want to be in relationship. And if the person you want to be happens to not be diseased and pregnant, then you know this guy is full of crap.

…What if she replied with, “Actually, I’m protecting you, since I have syphilis.”


There’s nothing like running into an old flame.

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Nope! Nothing to prove here, at all! You’re totally comfortable in your skin and clearly sooooo over me.

Today I’m so happy to introduce our first guest artist, Orlando Segarra! Orlando’s work came across my eye several months ago, with his own series of comic strips. Like a more cynical Far Side for the hipster generation, I knew Segarra’s work would be a great fit for Things My Ex Said. Stay tuned for more of his work–and guest comics by others–popping up in the future!

Thanks for giving TMXS a little spice on this otherwise dreary Monday morning!


If somebody actually “allows” you to do this, maybe it’s not the right circumstance to say thank you. I think that’s gotta be the kind of thing where you push it deep under the rug and never talk about it again.

. . .Do you think he said please?

the affair

Okay. I think this one needs more explanation. Like, did she actually allow him an affair? Does she get to have one now, too? Did he actually think she could stop him? “What if” she kicked him in the face?


Happy Valentine’s Day! One year ago today this little blog was born. And what a year it’s been! I couldn’t have done it, quite literally, without all of you. Thank you for your quotes and your input! Hopefully we’ve all had a chance to laugh at some cringe-worthy memories and make them a little less painful.

Coming up in 2014 we’ve got some big plans for Things My Ex Said! Stay tuned for guest artists, new levels of horrible exes, and so much more. But first, in honor of the Day of Love, here is the grossest, weirdest, least romantic quote I may have ever read.

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The non sequitur. The presumption. The….herpes. Who is this person, and how do we keep him from ever telling someone she is “going to have to learn to love” his herpes, ever again? Listen, guy: It doesn’t matter which hole you’re aiming for. Keep that diseased stick and it’s entitled attitude zipped up.

Nobody is going to learn to love your herpes until you love yourself. Happy Valentine’s Day!


Eventually, you reach that point in a crumbling relationship where even routine physical intimacy becomes too much of a chore.

aren't you frustrated?

Oh wow! Brilliant! Why didn’t I think of that? Honey, you’re a genius. Way to skirt the issue.


You know what really turns me on? Whining.

haven't had sex in a while

Why don’t you whine some more and then I’ll go slip into something a little more comfortable.


This guy probably had the best of intentions… but he loses all points in the delivery.

ruin you for other men

“Get ready, because I’m marking you as mine. Your body is about to go to from wonderland to wasteland in five…four…three…two…”

Let’s just hope he can chill out enough to stop thinking of “all other men” while they’re in the bedroom.



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