I feel like this is a relationship version of, “All our employees matter to the company, but we’re still considering laying you off in our next downsizing.”
And we all know, when you need something, that’s a responsibility.
Alright. It’s time to learn a strange bit of trivia about me.
So I have this pattern of being dumped when a terrible, horrendous disaster occurs close to my home. Seriously. The guy I’m with realizes the world is going to end and that he’d rather die alone than anywhere near me. The first time this happened, he was my first serious boyfriend in high school. You know, that one.
Usually I like to leave you guessing as to which are the quotes from my own life, and which are reader submissions. But today is a special case. And believe me, I wouldn’t post this quote if I didn’t know with 100% certainly that it was real.
You just can’t make this stuff up, folks. And I suppose, in some small way, that was the start of how ThingsMyExSaid was born.
People like this guy give marijuana a bad rep.
Guess what? I like to drink coffee, but it doesn’t make me tolerate you thinking I’m really that dumb. If she wants you to love her, it’s the responsible thing to encourage and enable you? That’s love? Sounds more like a threat.
Ain’t nobody buying your brand of skunky bullshit today.
Sometimes, after a break up, you get that rare chance to sit down with the person in question and talk through a postmortem of what went wrong.
Translation of the above: “I’ve come to realize that I need to date a lost, sniveling, codependent shell of a woman, so that I don’t feel threatened and can keep her coming back. What I really don’t want is someone who can take care of herself. The fact that she considers herself whole without me totally destroys my perception of self, which is that I need to be bigger than you.”
“. . . . . . . . Right.”
It’s back-to-school time! And that means all over the world, reluctant kids are stuffing their feet into shiny new light-up sneakers. But sometimes, a fully fledged grown up wants to go back to the classroom and improve her skill-set. And when that happens, it’s so great to have support and encouragement from the one she loves.
…Or that.
Because when somebody else seeks counseling, it’s all about you.
Anyone else thinking of the shrink Don Draper hires for Sally in Mad Men? My advice would be not to take any recommendations from this guy.
When boinking your girlfriend just isn’t an option…
CLICK TO ENLARGE!
No shit, Sherlock.
The jocks and the geeks don’t mix! The jocks and the geeks don’t mix!
CLICK TO ENLARGE!
YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US!!!
If you look at sitcom fodder, nabbing a doctor is supposed to be like winning the lottery. A doctor? Break me off a piece! I want one! Let’s make him a pediatrician, so I’ll live in a fab house and my kids will be the healthiest kids in the world… Well, ladies and gentlemen, doctors can have some ambitions of their own.
CLICK TO ENLARGE!
Oh wait. Not worth it. Back to dating unemployed aspiring….whatevers… in three, two, one.
thingsmyexsaid 