The countdown to Valentine’s Day continues!
Today we’re doing something brand new. This is the first quote posted here on TMXS that did not, I repeat, did not actually happen! (At least, to the best of my knowledge…) But I’ve included this quote here because this is something I find myself wishing I’ve said. And I realized that none of the quotes on here vilify me. But I’m sure there are horrible, thoughtless, crazy things I’ve said and have just conveniently buffed them over in my memory.
But this is something I’ve wanted to say more than once. And, quite frankly, I think it makes a perfectly legitimate dealbreaker.
And there you have it. A window into my dark pedantic soul.
It’s almost Valentine’s Day! And in honor of Friday’s impending Hallmark holiday, we will be posting one new comic every day this week!
Kicking off the fun is this guy:
His logic is flawless.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
Sometimes, life gives your relationship a test. In this case, we observe how this boyfriend and girlfriend would fare when it comes to the “in sickness and in health” part of a marriage vow.
Yikes. Better luck next time.
We’ll forgive that she refers to herself in the third person as “your beloved” for now, seeing as she’s nursing a heart condition. But maybe I should try that. “Hey honey, want to meet your beloved for a coffee after work?. . . No? Well your beloved misses you!” …Sounds like the setup for a horror movie.
Stay tuned next week for five full days of TMXS!
You meet someone you like. You crush for a long time. They like you back. Sparks! Victory! Hurrah!
You go on a date. At the end of the night, the moment comes…
Seriously, what is the point? Only prudish granny kissing, please! And when we hold hands, if yours could go for the “limp noodle”, that’d be great.
…And get those fingers out of my hair.
You know, sometimes it’s okay to just agree and say “yeah, that would be cool.”
This was one of those times.
Sometimes your next love interest can feel inadequate when it comes to the people you’ve dated before. Sometimes, that sense of inadequacy leaks out in a defensive jumble.
(click to enlarge)
Are you though? Are you different? You ended up on this website, so clearly something went wrong. Maybe she needed to realize you were totally insecure.
And she didn’t even get a car. How sad. What good is a relationship without a getaway vehicle?
Trying to get out of the friend zone? Think again.
(click to enlarge)
Yeah, I know we’ve shared our deepest darkest secrets, hopes, and fears over Starbucks. And I know that you’d make the most considerate, respectful boyfriend, ever. But gingers need not apply.
Eventually, you reach that point in a crumbling relationship where even routine physical intimacy becomes too much of a chore.
Oh wow! Brilliant! Why didn’t I think of that? Honey, you’re a genius. Way to skirt the issue.
Surprise! You’re the “other woman”.
Listen. When I took you out to dinner and brought you home, I thought you were doing that with the knowledge that my soon-to-be-ex-wife will be stopping by in the morning to pick up more of her stuff. Oh, and please disregard her panties hanging up to dry in the bathroom. You didn’t know I still had a wife? Well. That’s your fault. You should have checked my facebook relationship status.
Facepalm.
This might be the worst compliment ever. Not because there is anything wrong with size 4 or any other size out there, but because he’s using the compliment to make himself sound like a better person by hinting that he might be the best she can get.
She might as well have said, “I really love your face. A lot of women don’t like it, but I enjoy being with someone who’s less attractive than me.”
thingsmyexsaid 