One thing I’m a big fan of in relationships is consistency.
Is the lesson here: how quickly one can forget the good times? Or how easy it is to lie when you’re trying to get laid?
Hope you’ve all got your tickets, because tonight’s final performance of Things My Ex Said: the Cabaret is sold out! Can’t wait to play to another packed house in Glasgow tonight! It’s been such a blast, and cannot wait to share some highlights with you folks online, very soon!
When I was younger, I used to think the stereotype of the insufferable mother-in-law was just that: a stereotype. But the more I observe, and the more quotes I receive from readers, the more I wonder whether the issue may actually be more of a two-way street. Ladies, you seem to like to hate on mothers on this site! (And men, you like to make inappropriate physical assertions… but that’s a rant for another day.) I have to say, in the wake of Mother’s Day last weekend, that kind of grinds my gears.
I don’t know what annoys me more: that it’s supposed to be topical and funny to compare a man to his mother, or that the artist shaded this woman’s chin like she’s got a hefty hipster beard growing in. Maybe this man’s mother is a serial killer, or maybe she has Tourette’s, or is a kleptomaniac, or has anger management problems that render the comparison unlikely and droll. But if I was his mother, I’d want him to be a chip off the old block!
. . . Uh oh. Does that mean that I’m going to be like his mother? Or this mother? Oh, Mother.
Things My Ex Said: The Cabaret had a fabulous opening on Monday night! Pictures to come! Still one more chance to see the show, this Friday at 7:30 PM!
Things My Ex Said: The Cabaret opens tonight in Glasgow at Sloan’s! Come see your favorite quotes brought to life and hear some badass 90’s tunes! And you get to meet me in person, which is kinda fun.
I can’t believe we hit 1400 followers just in time for the show! What a great opening day surprise. Thanks, everybody! It makes me so happy you enjoy the site. I enjoy it, too. 🙂
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Tickets are available through the RCS Box Office. See you there!
If there is one archetype that hasn’t changed since the days of Jane Austen, it’s the Guy Who Doesn’t Call.
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Unless finishing House of Cards and wallowing in a resulting sense of general ennui as I try to figure out what to do with my spare time counts as something I’m “going through,” I have no idea what you mean. Am I having an existential crisis I know nothing about? What do you know about me that I don’t know?
Next week is the week! Things My Ex Said: the Cabaret opens Monday May 12th and Friday May 16th, 7:30 PM at Sloan’s in Glasgow! Part of the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland’s Candid Cabaret Series. Come see your favorite quotes brought to life by Yours Truly and a fabulous cast!
I see what you’re trying to do here with your feminine wiles. You’re trying to snare me.
Umm… no dude. She probably just wants to know how likely you are to give her an STD.
Come see your favorite quotes brought to life NEXT WEEK in ThingsMyExSaid: the Cabaret! May 12th and 16th, 7:30 PM in the Grand Ballroom at Sloan’s Glasgow. Part of the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland’s Candid Cabaret Series.
If you’ve been following TMXS for any length of time, you may have found yourself wondering, “Wow, I wonder what it’s like to actually date this crazy woman? Does anyone dare to? They must just be terrified to say anything in front of her!”
Yep, I’m an asshole, too.
Men I date post TMXS seem to fall into one of 2 categories:
1. They become obsessed with the idea that everything they say will show up on this website. To which the answer is simple: don’t say anything asinine, and you’re safe! Also, luckily, submissions from readers like you are what actually keep this site going. Even my love life isn’t so sad as to warrant 3 quotes a week for 15 months.
2: They are so determined to show me how okay they are with this website, that they submit their own quotes of shitty things their exes have said. This *may* have become my new favorite way to flirt.
Planning a trip to Scotland this month? Of COURSE you are! Come see me bring your favorite quotes to life in ThingsMyExSaid: the Cabaret! May 12th and 16th, 7:30 PM in the Grand Ballroom at Sloan’s Glasgow. Part of the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland’s Candid Cabaret Series.
Want tickets to the gun show?
…I didn’t think so. Quite frankly, dude, it’s not that hard to figure out. Pun intended.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
Why can’t’ we all just be one big happy family?
Okay. Speaking as someone who’s been that ex you’ve had to go out to dinner with, just go! Then you can act really rude to her and end up making her cry on the subway ride home. Not that that’s happened to me….
But seriously, what was this guy thinking? He might as well as have said “she’s’ hotter than you”. He’s going to have to kiss ass for a couple weeks to smooth over this one.
Keep up with rehearsal progress for Things My Ex Said: the Cabaret on our facebook page! We’ve got out first full run-thru tomorrow. Sneak peeks to come!
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
I don’t even know if this can qualify as a backhanded compliment, as I have yet to see where the “compliment” part is. I guess she’s tall?
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Ugh. How many shades of this man are we going to see on this website? Men, can you get it through your heads that alluding to someone being too fat is just not okay? Yes, even if you are a doctor. Save it for the clinic. You leave me to imagine that you think I’m pretty, and I’ll leave you to imagine it’s okay to have two chocolate croissants for breakfast. And we’ll both die of the American Condition early, but happy.
Or, you know, keep picking on your loved one’s nose and thighs and feet and upper arms. What do I know? I’m just a voice on the internet.
Speaking of voice, rehearsals for Things My Ex Said: The Cabaret are going great!!! I’m so excited and I just can’t hide it! Performing on Monday, 12 May and Friday, 16 May at 7:30 PM at the Grand Ballroom in Sloan’s, Glasgow. Come see your favorite quotes brought to life against a backdrop of badass 90’s tunes. Tickets on sale now!
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
I’m certainly not an advocate for those couples who are glued to their phones and have to send a constant barrage of updates throughout the day: “Snacktime selfie! Miss u!” And I certainly don’t understand the people who actually talk on the phone like it’s the ’90s, when there isn’t an immediate purpose that renders text messaging too unreliable. But when you’re part of an established “us” or “we”, it can be tricky when your communication styles don’t match.
First of all. Who wants the good morning text, really? Morning is when you’re rushing around, probably late (I know I am right now), can’t find your keys, and now you’re going to choose that time to remind her how cute and punctual you are? I mean, okay. If she’s like me, the good morning text will make her all smiley and happy and she’ll take what she can get, pausing to think of what a considerate guy you are, standing there texting her in your boxer shorts…. and great. Now she’s really late.
But to fire off a “good morning” text daily as though it’s as much of a chore as brushing your teeth? That just took all the romance out of my reheated yesterday’s coffee. Either she is extraordinarily insecure and can’t go 6 hours without hearing from you before she breaks down, or you are a robot.
Effective communication is a lot like effective love making– it’s not just as simple as checking the oil, boys!
Rehearsals are in full swing for TMXS: the Cabaret, which performs in Glasgow on May 12th and 16th. Stay tuned for more updates! Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
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