He’s a keen observer, this one.
She probably noticed the first time she saw him naked, and secretly hated her butt because of it. But nice of him to take his head out of his own tight ass and finally notice.
Wow. Guys, what not to say on a first date? It’s this.
And that chicken now has a better chance of getting lucky than you do. Surprise! The mirror can be cruel.
When date night goes south…
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And you were a lot more handsome with your mouth shut.
This might be one of my favorite break up excuses, ever.
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Well, he’s got a type, ladies!
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Yeah. Maybe it’s arbitrary and snobbish, but for people who live in New York City, that’s a deal-breaker.
Let’s face it: Long distance is hard. But don’t you love it when you and your significant other take that first step toward planning your life together?
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Ah yes. The obvious conclusion!
Okay, so you know the old archetype of the artist and his muse? Well, who doesn’t secretly want to be a muse, really? I mean, when it comes down to it, wouldn’t it be pretty cool to inspire some hot, passionate person to create a work of art that reflects the awesomeness that is you? And all you have to do is sit there and be your fabulous self? Sign me up, right?
Or have you ever had that moment when you’re dating a musician and he plays you the new beautiful love song he’s written, and you think “Oh my gawd, this song is about me!” (a la the drunk girl from family guy)–until you get to the end of the song and it is, in fact, about a whiskey bottle?
Do you ever have that ex who thinks that just by the virtue that he made something, you would care? I mean, he’s feeling all these really deep feelings and expressing them and stuff, so it must be something that would interest you. And then this happens:
Congratulations, you wrote a story about yourself. Now here’s a hint: you’re not that interesting.
I know, I know, perhaps I’m not giving this one the benefit of the doubt. I mean, he tried and all. And clearly I’m all about that expressing yourself achieving catharsis garbage. But seriously? Seriously? You thought this would work?
Seems like when the moment comes and that song really is about you, 9 times out of 10 you would have been better off writing it yourself. Then at least it would be your crappy song.
That awkward moment when you run into the guy you thought would ask you to his fraternity semi-formal…at the fraternity semi formal.
And then when he still hits on you.
And by hits on you, he says this:
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Yes! Yes! Take me to see your big flat screen plasma TV!!
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