So I started this site to make fun of and achieve catharsis from my (and your) shitty ex-significant-others. Here’s what happens when one of my not shitty ex-boyfriends starts reading the site.
Facepalm.
You guys, this might be the worst coming out story I’ve ever heard.
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No, she doesn’t want.
We’re ending pretty strong with our last quote for the week. Let’s all celebrate her independence from this guy.
Oh God…
Are you serious?
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Here’s a tip for getting your mom’s present back from your girlfriend. Don’t give your mom’s present to your girlfriend.
In the middle of an emotional break up, this is absolutely the most important thing that can be discussed. Go get ’em, tiger!
Seriously? Now the scenario can go one of two ways:
1. No. Especially if the book is that good! Now she wants nothing more than to rip that book out of your clammy, callused fingers.
2. Yes. Because SHE CAN LORD OVER YOU the fact that at a time such as this, she won the emotional high ground, while you put your chips behind the fleeting, tawdry thrill of a book. Dude, I don’t know the specifics here, but unless she cheated on you it kind of sounds like she won the break up. But you enjoy that book of hers! Just try.
Don’t you love dating somebody who’s well-read? And when they’re up-to-date on breaking news?
Uh oh, clearly this guy hasn’t been keeping up with his Ancient Aliens! Even the experts on that show agree that we landed on the moon…they just disagreed about why (Dum dum dummmmmm!). But seriously, you should probably believe everything you read on the internet.
Chances are, after all the sh*t that went down yesterday with the VRA, DoMA, and #StandWithWendy, that you’re probably a little riled up over something. Are you celebrating? Pissed? Scared? Toweling off before the next round? You probably should.
If you did manage to somehow make it to this blog without having heard about any of the history being made in the last 30 hours, and without being crushed by the weight of the rock you live under, I dedicate today’s quote to you.
Right. Because she’s going to school for prostitution?
We’re doing something a little bit different, today! After amusing myself looking at our site stats, I am pleased and proud to announce the following search terms were among those that have brought viewers to this site:
- when is your birthday?
- let’s be terrible together
- what my ex said about my weight
- drive me
- dear ex boyfriend quotes
- morning sex quotes
- hope in our relationship quotes
- high school pervy teacher
- morning coffee and sex
- how old is your momma
- my ex says that I’m pretty, and fun
- too fat to love
- quotes about giving up
- drugs madness
- my ex boyfriend lied 2013
- funny compliments
- ex posting bad thing about ex
- funny quotes about first dates with pictures
- games hot sleep soulmate
- losing things quotes
- my ex said bad things
- coffee sex quotes
- trifecta of love
- funny compliments
- therapist says wtf
And last but not least, my favorite:
- the hunger games porn
Guys, these search terms are awesome. Keep looking up weird shit. I’ll be there for you when you find me.
Don’t worry, on Wednesday we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled programming. And now, here’s an original 1950’s comic that needed none of my improving:
Click to Enlarge!
Never listen to rumors about your future husband’s past! You’ll ruin everything!!!
thingsmyexsaid 