Oh dear God.
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This is the stuff of my nightmares.
ThingsMyExSaid will be taking the day off this Friday, because I’m moving from New York City to Scotland! But we’ll be back on Monday with our regularly scheduled programming. And don’t forget, The Best Worst Break Up Story Contest is still running until September 25th!
Not really. Apparently it’s on the table. And that is NOT OKAY!
ThingsMyExSaid is teaming up with author Jerrica Zeron, to celebrate her new book, Axing my Exes: A story of wine, bodies, & baggage…did I already mention wine?. Think you’ve got the best worst break up story? Send in your story and you could win a signed copy of the book! Guess what else you’ll win… a featured comic right here on the site! And the street cred of knowing that you have the best worst break up story ever.
The contest runs until September 25th, so check out all the details right here!
I feel like this is a relationship version of, “All our employees matter to the company, but we’re still considering laying you off in our next downsizing.”
And we all know, when you need something, that’s a responsibility.
Alright. It’s time to learn a strange bit of trivia about me.
So I have this pattern of being dumped when a terrible, horrendous disaster occurs close to my home. Seriously. The guy I’m with realizes the world is going to end and that he’d rather die alone than anywhere near me. The first time this happened, he was my first serious boyfriend in high school. You know, that one.
Usually I like to leave you guessing as to which are the quotes from my own life, and which are reader submissions. But today is a special case. And believe me, I wouldn’t post this quote if I didn’t know with 100% certainly that it was real.
You just can’t make this stuff up, folks. And I suppose, in some small way, that was the start of how ThingsMyExSaid was born.
People like this guy give marijuana a bad rep.
Guess what? I like to drink coffee, but it doesn’t make me tolerate you thinking I’m really that dumb. If she wants you to love her, it’s the responsible thing to encourage and enable you? That’s love? Sounds more like a threat.
Ain’t nobody buying your brand of skunky bullshit today.
Sometimes, after a break up, you get that rare chance to sit down with the person in question and talk through a postmortem of what went wrong.
Translation of the above: “I’ve come to realize that I need to date a lost, sniveling, codependent shell of a woman, so that I don’t feel threatened and can keep her coming back. What I really don’t want is someone who can take care of herself. The fact that she considers herself whole without me totally destroys my perception of self, which is that I need to be bigger than you.”
“. . . . . . . . Right.”
It’s back-to-school time! And that means all over the world, reluctant kids are stuffing their feet into shiny new light-up sneakers. But sometimes, a fully fledged grown up wants to go back to the classroom and improve her skill-set. And when that happens, it’s so great to have support and encouragement from the one she loves.
…Or that.
Because when somebody else seeks counseling, it’s all about you.
Anyone else thinking of the shrink Don Draper hires for Sally in Mad Men? My advice would be not to take any recommendations from this guy.
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