Yep . . .That IS what he said.

Category Archives: Romance

I’m certainly not an advocate for those couples who are glued to their phones and have to send a constant barrage of updates throughout the day: “Snacktime selfie! Miss u!” And I certainly don’t understand the people who actually talk on the phone like it’s the ’90s, when there isn’t an immediate purpose that renders text messaging too unreliable. But when you’re part of an established “us” or “we”, it can be tricky when your communication styles don’t match.

Good morning text

First of all. Who wants the good morning text, really? Morning is when you’re rushing around, probably late (I know I am right now), can’t find your keys, and now you’re going to choose that time to remind her how cute and punctual you are? I mean, okay. If she’s like me, the good morning text will make her all smiley and happy and she’ll take what she can get, pausing to think of what a considerate guy you are, standing there texting her in your boxer shorts…. and great. Now she’s really late.

But to fire off a “good morning” text daily as though it’s as much of a chore as brushing your teeth? That just took all the romance out of my reheated yesterday’s coffee. Either she is extraordinarily insecure and can’t go 6 hours without hearing from you before she breaks down, or you are a robot.

Effective communication is a lot like effective love making– it’s not just as simple as checking the oil, boys!

Rehearsals are in full swing for TMXS: the Cabaret, which performs in Glasgow on May 12th and 16th. Stay tuned for more updates! Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!


Yes, that is what he’s referring to.

Just sit on it

Apparently sometimes having a big dick can make you a big dick. And that’s called hashtagnotworthit.

The dates have been set for Things My Ex Said: The Cabaret! I’ll be coming to the Grand Ballroom of Sloan’s on May 12th and 16th, at 7:30 PM, 62 Argyll Arcade, 108 Argyll Street, Glasgow, G2 8BG. Part of the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland’s Candid Cabaret series. See your favorite quotes from the website come to life, paired with some bitchin’ 90s tunes!

Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!


Adultery is totally cool, but don’t you dare take the name of our Lord in vain.

(click to enlarge)

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Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!


Let me clear up one mystery of the mythology of Woman. When we’re little, around 7 or 8 years old, we discover we fall into a category: we can be pretty, or we can be smart. Sometimes, life chooses for us. Other times, it’s a conscious choice we make that shapes the entirety of our lives. But never, never can a girl be both.

More intelligent than I thought

Oh wait. That’s pure and utter bullshit.

Thanks, guy. I’m glad you came in with low expectations!

Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!


You meet someone you like. You crush for a long time. They like you back. Sparks! Victory! Hurrah!

You go on a date. At the end of the night, the moment comes…

passionate kissing

Seriously, what is the point? Only prudish granny kissing, please! And when we hold hands, if yours could go for the “limp noodle”, that’d be great.

…And get those fingers out of my hair.


Love comes with patience and understanding. . .

Ride the rollercoaster

. . . Except when the man you’re dating thinks he’s twelve. You owe her one oversized stuffed animal from the water gun game, buddy!


This new year, I think I just might make the resolution to keep my big mouth shut.

What don't you like about me?

Nah… that’s not gonna happen.

You guys. I just caught up on quote submissions over the weekend. And let me tell you. 2014 is going to be a wild ride. You folks have had some terrible relationships! Thanks for sharing. 🙂



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