Your wife is pregnant. Congratulations! Now, guest artist “O” reminds us to never, ever say this:
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Seriously. You might as well relocate to the garage, because the sleeping on the couch is officially too good for you.
Want to see more of this artist’s work? Check out www.0thehumanity.tumblr.com to see his full range of comics! Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
Let me clear up one mystery of the mythology of Woman. When we’re little, around 7 or 8 years old, we discover we fall into a category: we can be pretty, or we can be smart. Sometimes, life chooses for us. Other times, it’s a conscious choice we make that shapes the entirety of our lives. But never, never can a girl be both.
Oh wait. That’s pure and utter bullshit.
Thanks, guy. I’m glad you came in with low expectations!
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
Shopping with your significant other can be dangerous territory.
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“When” I look good? When I look good I’m going to try on a different style of boyfriend. Oh wait. I already do.
You know, sometimes it’s okay to just agree and say “yeah, that would be cool.”
This was one of those times.
Facepalm.
This might be the worst compliment ever. Not because there is anything wrong with size 4 or any other size out there, but because he’s using the compliment to make himself sound like a better person by hinting that he might be the best she can get.
She might as well have said, “I really love your face. A lot of women don’t like it, but I enjoy being with someone who’s less attractive than me.”
Ever find out that your boyfriend thinks you’re kind of busted looking?
Not our kids. Your kids. Because I wouldn’t touch that with anything but a ten foot pole. Or my penis.
…Let’s hope his kids don’t inherit his tact.
Okay. Let’s get one thing straight. She looks good.
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Don’t criticize my hair. That’s my mother’s job.
I’ll be taking next week off, folks! I’m traveling around Europe and probably going to be too hungover to even look at a computer screen. But since it’s winter and it’s cold, I wanted to leave you all with warm thoughts. To send us off, here’s a quote that makes me think of the sticky, sweaty, dusty, don’t-touch-me part of summertime.
You’re right. Let me slip into that cute Banana Republic wrap dress I bought on sale for $80 and never wear because I’m afraid I’ll get pit stains in it. That will look great when I give the old mare a rub down.
That’s all for now, folks! Have a happy holiday and a great New Year. And remember, if you want to see quotes from your own misadventures in love up here in 2014, send them in!
Gentlemen, when flirting with a gal it’s important to lead with your best foot forward.
It’s important to me to know where I stand in the hierarchy of hotness at any given time. Thanks for the update.
You know what? Sometimes guys aren’t mean. Sometimes they think you’re smokin’ hot.
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No, guy. I think the question is, what else are you looking for? Because that nice body probably has a nice person inside. Or at least a nice face.
thingsmyexsaid 