Ah, modern standards of beauty.
“You’re no cartoon face of a corporate brand, but I could still eat.”
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There are just some things you can’t re-gift. Check that. There are many things you can’t re-gift.
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Seriously, guy, what part of that seemed like a good idea? No, she doesn’t want your ex-girlfriend’s bling. No, she doesn’t want to know you keep your ex-girlfriend’s bling. Yes, you’re probably going to have to surprise her with a real present to make up for this.
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It’s always extra awkward to break up with someone around a major holiday or birthday, anniversary, etc. But when you add in the complication of a terrible disease? The rules of conduct just don’t exist.
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You want to feel bad for her. And him. But not him. But her. But him. But fuck him! But how can you say fuck him? He has cancer! My brain! It’s melting! My compassion doesn’t know what to do with this situation! I’m going cross-eyed.
How about this. Don’t use people? Period. Live life to the fullest extent you can, and if your fullest life isn’t envisioned with that supportive person, let that person go. Or if you get a new chance at life, live it with integrity… but maybe figure it out before you accept all the birthday presents.
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This is the male version of playing dress up:
“You’re fun to play dress up in, but I wouldn’t actually wear you to the prom.”
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It’s great when you feel secure in the knowledge that your partner loves you just the way you are.
Or that. While you’re at it, if you could lose the weight, bleach your hair, grow some tits, and fix your teeth…. yeah, that would be okay.
Happy Friday! This weekend’s challenge is to not be an asshole. Good luck! I see I have already failed.
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There’s nothing like the special bond of trust between two lovers.
Must be.
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We’ve talked on this website before about what happens when you put on a “happy couple weight“. But add in the factor that your significant other may be a serial killer?
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They say people at risk for suicide are more likely to go through with it if they have a clear plan.
Guessing the same holds true for killing other people, as well. The joke’s on him, though! Looks like even with a plan it won’t be easy–after all, he would have to use both hands.
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I don’t even know if this can qualify as a backhanded compliment, as I have yet to see where the “compliment” part is. I guess she’s tall?
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Ugh. How many shades of this man are we going to see on this website? Men, can you get it through your heads that alluding to someone being too fat is just not okay? Yes, even if you are a doctor. Save it for the clinic. You leave me to imagine that you think I’m pretty, and I’ll leave you to imagine it’s okay to have two chocolate croissants for breakfast. And we’ll both die of the American Condition early, but happy.
Or, you know, keep picking on your loved one’s nose and thighs and feet and upper arms. What do I know? I’m just a voice on the internet.
Speaking of voice, rehearsals for Things My Ex Said: The Cabaret are going great!!! I’m so excited and I just can’t hide it! Performing on Monday, 12 May and Friday, 16 May at 7:30 PM at the Grand Ballroom in Sloan’s, Glasgow. Come see your favorite quotes brought to life against a backdrop of badass 90’s tunes. Tickets on sale now!
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It’s been a little while since we had a quote where the girl was the obvious asshole. I think this one makes up for the dry spell.
A couple months into exclusively dating…
Ladies, what is it with you and cancer? Or is it with mothers? We have a terrible track record, here! So much for us being pegged as overly nurturing. It’s not like the guy asked you to fly home with him!
Also…. can we talk about how scary thin her waist is in this drawing? I guess I’d be a heinous bitch if my waist was the size of my bicep, too.
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Peter Pan! Get over it!
May he find what he seeks and have the bank account to maintain it. Fly free, you withered, aging asshole.
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