Yep . . .That IS what he said.

Tag Archives: things my ex said

Okay, so you know the old archetype of the artist and his muse? Well, who doesn’t secretly want to be a muse, really? I mean, when it comes down to it, wouldn’t it be pretty cool to inspire some hot, passionate person to create a work of art that reflects the awesomeness that is you? And all you have to do is sit there and be your fabulous self? Sign me up, right?

Or have you ever had that moment when you’re dating a musician and he plays you the new beautiful love song he’s written, and you think “Oh my gawd, this song is about me!” (a la the drunk girl from family guy)–until you get to the end of the song and it is, in fact, about a whiskey bottle?

Do you ever have that ex who thinks that just by the virtue that he made something, you would care? I mean, he’s feeling all these really deep feelings and expressing them and stuff, so it must be something that would interest you. And then this happens:

Screenplay in Rehab

Congratulations, you wrote a story about yourself. Now here’s a hint: you’re not that interesting.

I know, I know, perhaps I’m not giving this one the benefit of the doubt. I mean, he tried and all. And clearly I’m all about that expressing yourself achieving catharsis garbage. But seriously? Seriously? You thought this would work?

Seems like when the moment comes and that song really is about you, 9 times out of 10 you would have been better off writing it yourself. Then at least it would be your crappy song.


Certain things just don’t ring well in the bedroom.

Not the girl I'm going to marry

I’m going to say chances are, she did know. Chances are, she agreed with him. But perhaps that was something better discussed over tea. . . or at least breakfast.


So guys are just harder to pick presents for in general, in my opinion. Women can get flowers, bath stuff, jewelry, but for men there is less of a blanket of obvious gifts. On his birthday–forget cards, watches, sports memorabilia–nothing says love and devotion like when she talks to her ex on the phone for a long period of time.

On Your Birthday

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Happy birthday, honey! I’m having serious second thoughts about you!


I gave my artist the day off, so you get to enjoy a true original today! Something tells me I feel worse about my own shoddy art than than this guy feels about his personal preferences:

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That’s like, serious. I hope he and his board were very happy together.


In honor of flying back home to NYC today:

NEVER MOVED TO NEW YORK copy

Really? Please. Just please.

In other news, this is the first TMXS update I’ve posted from an airport! And boy do I feel important, doing business on the go. On the fly? On the wing? I’m giddy with options! Or perhaps that’s just sleep deprivation. Anyways, home I go, and thankfully not to this guy.


Today I’d like to ask this question: what is a modern relationship? It’s pretty clear what it meant to this guy:

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But is there really something worth being called a “modern relationship”? Are relationships so different today that they deserve this title? Or are we only having the same relationships we’ve always had, in a modern setting?

 I’d like to think a truly “modern relationship” is ideally post-feminist one, where lovers are partners in a truer sense of the word than ever before. But you can’t read the news or watch TV without knowing that post-feminism isn’t remotely close to where we’ve arrived, as a people. But it makes me sad to think, that to some people, the idea of modernity and fidelity are not only set apart from each other, but possibly even opposites. Or is it possible, in this day of statuses and tweeting and “liking” as a button rather than a feeling, that the offender above meant a modern relationship was one that lacked any interpersonal investment at all?

But really, all of this begs the question to me: if that is a modern relationship, what the hell is  post-modern relationship? Cave-man-esque scenes are brought to mind. Or is that love with robots?


Big news today from ThingsMyExSaid: We’re switching from posting twice a week to three times a week! Keep an eye out for new posts every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday!

And to celebrate, here’s a classy gent:

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So keep your stories coming on our submission page! We’ll be back on Wednesday with a new horrific comic.