Fatalistic, much? 
Listen, honey. It’s me or solitude for the rest of your life. Peace out.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
Girl dates boy. Boy dumps girl. Boy gets beat up in a fight. Boy asks girl to come see him in the hospital. Girl takes an hour-long taxi ride by herself to come visit boy.
(Click to enlarge.)
Boy either wore off the meds, or fails at expressing himself, completely.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
It’s good for people to understand their priorities in relationships.
(Click to enlarge)
This has got to be one of the hands down worst ways of explaining to someone that she isn’t pretty enough to be your girlfriend. Also, this whole list thing is just pretty cringe-y in general. Might as well call this “10 Things I Wish I Loved About You.”
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
I love a good non sequitur as much as the next geeky humorist, but this one makes no sense.
Excuse me, miss? He wasn’t talking about anything funny. Unless you’re so disturbed by his news that the only response your brain can handle is to completely deny reality, there’s no reason or excuse for having that be your reply. Shame on you.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
There are just some things you can’t re-gift. Check that. There are many things you can’t re-gift.
(Click to enlarge)
Seriously, guy, what part of that seemed like a good idea? No, she doesn’t want your ex-girlfriend’s bling. No, she doesn’t want to know you keep your ex-girlfriend’s bling. Yes, you’re probably going to have to surprise her with a real present to make up for this.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
It’s always extra awkward to break up with someone around a major holiday or birthday, anniversary, etc. But when you add in the complication of a terrible disease? The rules of conduct just don’t exist.
(Click to enlarge)
You want to feel bad for her. And him. But not him. But her. But him. But fuck him! But how can you say fuck him? He has cancer! My brain! It’s melting! My compassion doesn’t know what to do with this situation! I’m going cross-eyed.
How about this. Don’t use people? Period. Live life to the fullest extent you can, and if your fullest life isn’t envisioned with that supportive person, let that person go. Or if you get a new chance at life, live it with integrity… but maybe figure it out before you accept all the birthday presents.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
Sometimes, you meet someone who’s just a little bit too much like one of your exes. Or that bully from middle school. Or someone who is in no way related to you.
So… like, he’s married?
Just kidding. But seriously, if your brother (or sister) snagged a catch like her, what’s the problem? Unless his sister in law is a neurotic hag known for her fiendish halitosis.
Ah, love. Who doesn’t love to be in love? And to be loved in return? No strings, no ifs or clauses, just pure and simple love.
Let me guess. His definition involves sleeping with other people.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
Not to knock the power of prayer, or any sort of spirituality… But when you’re dissolving an engagement, the futility of your messages to God aren’t going to make her feel any better.
(click to enlarge)
Yeah, “sorry” isn’t gonna cut it, either.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
When Things My Ex Said and Tinder collide… the results are exactly what you’d expect.
Music to bondage? Seems like a reasonable segue to me. Isn’t the “getting to know you” stage grand? At least he got right to the point.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
thingsmyexsaid 