Ew.
Put on your hat. I can still see your stupid face.
…But that’s just my knee-jerk reaction. Reasons why I’m single?
We’ve talked on this website before about what happens when you put on a “happy couple weight“. But add in the factor that your significant other may be a serial killer?
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They say people at risk for suicide are more likely to go through with it if they have a clear plan.
Guessing the same holds true for killing other people, as well. The joke’s on him, though! Looks like even with a plan it won’t be easy–after all, he would have to use both hands.
Got a stupid ex? Want something they said to live on in digital infamy? Submit your quotes to Things My Ex Said!
A lot of attention is paid to pick-up lines. Particularly, bad pick-up lines. But attention should also be paid to “put-down” lines. There’s an art to letting someone down easy. And a tactless put-down leaves you flat on your ass.
This guy sounds like he took his lessons from classic movies… which, I suppose, isn’t the worst place to draw from. But it earned him no points in the tact department.
“Here’s lookin’ at you, kid. Or rather, here’s to not having to look at you ever again.”
Speaking of over, Things My Ex Said: the Cabaret closed to packed houses in Glasgow this weekend! We had a fantastic time. Stay tuned for pictures and video to follow!
One thing I’m a big fan of in relationships is consistency.
Is the lesson here: how quickly one can forget the good times? Or how easy it is to lie when you’re trying to get laid?
Hope you’ve all got your tickets, because tonight’s final performance of Things My Ex Said: the Cabaret is sold out! Can’t wait to play to another packed house in Glasgow tonight! It’s been such a blast, and cannot wait to share some highlights with you folks online, very soon!
When I was younger, I used to think the stereotype of the insufferable mother-in-law was just that: a stereotype. But the more I observe, and the more quotes I receive from readers, the more I wonder whether the issue may actually be more of a two-way street. Ladies, you seem to like to hate on mothers on this site! (And men, you like to make inappropriate physical assertions… but that’s a rant for another day.) I have to say, in the wake of Mother’s Day last weekend, that kind of grinds my gears.
I don’t know what annoys me more: that it’s supposed to be topical and funny to compare a man to his mother, or that the artist shaded this woman’s chin like she’s got a hefty hipster beard growing in. Maybe this man’s mother is a serial killer, or maybe she has Tourette’s, or is a kleptomaniac, or has anger management problems that render the comparison unlikely and droll. But if I was his mother, I’d want him to be a chip off the old block!
. . . Uh oh. Does that mean that I’m going to be like his mother? Or this mother? Oh, Mother.
Things My Ex Said: The Cabaret had a fabulous opening on Monday night! Pictures to come! Still one more chance to see the show, this Friday at 7:30 PM!
If there is one archetype that hasn’t changed since the days of Jane Austen, it’s the Guy Who Doesn’t Call.
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Unless finishing House of Cards and wallowing in a resulting sense of general ennui as I try to figure out what to do with my spare time counts as something I’m “going through,” I have no idea what you mean. Am I having an existential crisis I know nothing about? What do you know about me that I don’t know?
Next week is the week! Things My Ex Said: the Cabaret opens Monday May 12th and Friday May 16th, 7:30 PM at Sloan’s in Glasgow! Part of the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland’s Candid Cabaret Series. Come see your favorite quotes brought to life by Yours Truly and a fabulous cast!
I see what you’re trying to do here with your feminine wiles. You’re trying to snare me.
Umm… no dude. She probably just wants to know how likely you are to give her an STD.
Come see your favorite quotes brought to life NEXT WEEK in ThingsMyExSaid: the Cabaret! May 12th and 16th, 7:30 PM in the Grand Ballroom at Sloan’s Glasgow. Part of the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland’s Candid Cabaret Series.
If you’ve been following TMXS for any length of time, you may have found yourself wondering, “Wow, I wonder what it’s like to actually date this crazy woman? Does anyone dare to? They must just be terrified to say anything in front of her!”
Yep, I’m an asshole, too.
Men I date post TMXS seem to fall into one of 2 categories:
1. They become obsessed with the idea that everything they say will show up on this website. To which the answer is simple: don’t say anything asinine, and you’re safe! Also, luckily, submissions from readers like you are what actually keep this site going. Even my love life isn’t so sad as to warrant 3 quotes a week for 15 months.
2: They are so determined to show me how okay they are with this website, that they submit their own quotes of shitty things their exes have said. This *may* have become my new favorite way to flirt.
Planning a trip to Scotland this month? Of COURSE you are! Come see me bring your favorite quotes to life in ThingsMyExSaid: the Cabaret! May 12th and 16th, 7:30 PM in the Grand Ballroom at Sloan’s Glasgow. Part of the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland’s Candid Cabaret Series.
Want tickets to the gun show?
…I didn’t think so. Quite frankly, dude, it’s not that hard to figure out. Pun intended.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
Why can’t’ we all just be one big happy family?
Okay. Speaking as someone who’s been that ex you’ve had to go out to dinner with, just go! Then you can act really rude to her and end up making her cry on the subway ride home. Not that that’s happened to me….
But seriously, what was this guy thinking? He might as well as have said “she’s’ hotter than you”. He’s going to have to kiss ass for a couple weeks to smooth over this one.
Keep up with rehearsal progress for Things My Ex Said: the Cabaret on our facebook page! We’ve got out first full run-thru tomorrow. Sneak peeks to come!
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
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