I can think of more than just the obvious reason not to have sex with this guy.
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Clearly, he thinks the elephant in the room isn’t his absent girlfriend.
It’s really inconvenient when you make me have to destroy the evidence.
I mean, I’d love to share all these conversations with you, but you think I’m being a shifty bastard.
First dates. That stressful time to make a good impression.
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I don’t know if this guy thought he was sounding educated, or jaded, or funny…. but whatever he was going for, it didn’t work.
Fair enough.
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No, certainly not. Why would she do that?
But seriously. If there were ever an excuse for being a bitch, isn’t “you cheated on me” the case?
This might be the ultimate version of “it’s not you, it’s me.”
You’ve actually made me allergic to people. Congratulations for making me want to give up on life. But really, it’s me.
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Why don’t you split some more hairs? They’re getting thin enough on top of that big head of yours. Oh wait. Now I’m acting like a bitch.
Be sure to check back on Friday to see the winning quote from our Best Worst Break Up Contest!
Not really. Apparently it’s on the table. And that is NOT OKAY!
ThingsMyExSaid is teaming up with author Jerrica Zeron, to celebrate her new book, Axing my Exes: A story of wine, bodies, & baggage…did I already mention wine?. Think you’ve got the best worst break up story? Send in your story and you could win a signed copy of the book! Guess what else you’ll win… a featured comic right here on the site! And the street cred of knowing that you have the best worst break up story ever.
The contest runs until September 25th, so check out all the details right here!
I feel like this is a relationship version of, “All our employees matter to the company, but we’re still considering laying you off in our next downsizing.”
And we all know, when you need something, that’s a responsibility.
Sometimes, after a break up, you get that rare chance to sit down with the person in question and talk through a postmortem of what went wrong.
Translation of the above: “I’ve come to realize that I need to date a lost, sniveling, codependent shell of a woman, so that I don’t feel threatened and can keep her coming back. What I really don’t want is someone who can take care of herself. The fact that she considers herself whole without me totally destroys my perception of self, which is that I need to be bigger than you.”
“. . . . . . . . Right.”
Because when somebody else seeks counseling, it’s all about you.
Anyone else thinking of the shrink Don Draper hires for Sally in Mad Men? My advice would be not to take any recommendations from this guy.
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