Deciding to break up with someone is rarely easy. After all, a lot of time and emotion has been invested into the relationship. But for one guy with an apparent flair for accounting, the choice was simple.
Insert dick joke here.
Are you a sentimentalist or a pragmatist when it comes to a break up? Do you keep the mementos, or sell them to the highest bidder?
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Guess we’re going sentimental on this one.
It’s ThingsMyExSaid‘s 100th post!! Oh my gosh! We’re so old! And to celebrate, I thought what better way than to share one of my personal favorites. I’ve been saving this one for a special day. I think you can guess why.
Note to self: if he’s making it onto this website before he’s your ex, he should be your ex.
Got a quote you’d like to share? Send in your quotes and see that lemon of an ex turned into comedic lemonade!
This might be the ultimate version of “it’s not you, it’s me.”
You’ve actually made me allergic to people. Congratulations for making me want to give up on life. But really, it’s me.
The setting goes as follows. Guy asks girl to go on a trip with him. Girl agrees. Trip is booked. Guy gets weird.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
For those of you keeping up with me, the transatlantic move was successful! Henceforth, ThingsMyExSaid will post every Monday-Wednesday-Friday morning in Greenwich Mean Time! Cheers!
Not really. Apparently it’s on the table. And that is NOT OKAY!
ThingsMyExSaid is teaming up with author Jerrica Zeron, to celebrate her new book, Axing my Exes: A story of wine, bodies, & baggage…did I already mention wine?. Think you’ve got the best worst break up story? Send in your story and you could win a signed copy of the book! Guess what else you’ll win… a featured comic right here on the site! And the street cred of knowing that you have the best worst break up story ever.
The contest runs until September 25th, so check out all the details right here!
Alright. It’s time to learn a strange bit of trivia about me.
So I have this pattern of being dumped when a terrible, horrendous disaster occurs close to my home. Seriously. The guy I’m with realizes the world is going to end and that he’d rather die alone than anywhere near me. The first time this happened, he was my first serious boyfriend in high school. You know, that one.
Usually I like to leave you guessing as to which are the quotes from my own life, and which are reader submissions. But today is a special case. And believe me, I wouldn’t post this quote if I didn’t know with 100% certainly that it was real.
You just can’t make this stuff up, folks. And I suppose, in some small way, that was the start of how ThingsMyExSaid was born.
Sometimes, after a break up, you get that rare chance to sit down with the person in question and talk through a postmortem of what went wrong.
Translation of the above: “I’ve come to realize that I need to date a lost, sniveling, codependent shell of a woman, so that I don’t feel threatened and can keep her coming back. What I really don’t want is someone who can take care of herself. The fact that she considers herself whole without me totally destroys my perception of self, which is that I need to be bigger than you.”
“. . . . . . . . Right.”
The jocks and the geeks don’t mix! The jocks and the geeks don’t mix!
CLICK TO ENLARGE!
YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US!!!
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