It’s great when you feel secure in the knowledge that your partner loves you just the way you are.
Or that. While you’re at it, if you could lose the weight, bleach your hair, grow some tits, and fix your teeth…. yeah, that would be okay.
Happy Friday! This weekend’s challenge is to not be an asshole. Good luck! I see I have already failed.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
There’s nothing like the special bond of trust between two lovers.
Must be.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
We’ve talked on this website before about what happens when you put on a “happy couple weight“. But add in the factor that your significant other may be a serial killer?
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They say people at risk for suicide are more likely to go through with it if they have a clear plan.
Guessing the same holds true for killing other people, as well. The joke’s on him, though! Looks like even with a plan it won’t be easy–after all, he would have to use both hands.
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When I was younger, I used to think the stereotype of the insufferable mother-in-law was just that: a stereotype. But the more I observe, and the more quotes I receive from readers, the more I wonder whether the issue may actually be more of a two-way street. Ladies, you seem to like to hate on mothers on this site! (And men, you like to make inappropriate physical assertions… but that’s a rant for another day.) I have to say, in the wake of Mother’s Day last weekend, that kind of grinds my gears.
I don’t know what annoys me more: that it’s supposed to be topical and funny to compare a man to his mother, or that the artist shaded this woman’s chin like she’s got a hefty hipster beard growing in. Maybe this man’s mother is a serial killer, or maybe she has Tourette’s, or is a kleptomaniac, or has anger management problems that render the comparison unlikely and droll. But if I was his mother, I’d want him to be a chip off the old block!
. . . Uh oh. Does that mean that I’m going to be like his mother? Or this mother? Oh, Mother.
Things My Ex Said: The Cabaret had a fabulous opening on Monday night! Pictures to come! Still one more chance to see the show, this Friday at 7:30 PM!
If there is one archetype that hasn’t changed since the days of Jane Austen, it’s the Guy Who Doesn’t Call.
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Unless finishing House of Cards and wallowing in a resulting sense of general ennui as I try to figure out what to do with my spare time counts as something I’m “going through,” I have no idea what you mean. Am I having an existential crisis I know nothing about? What do you know about me that I don’t know?
Next week is the week! Things My Ex Said: the Cabaret opens Monday May 12th and Friday May 16th, 7:30 PM at Sloan’s in Glasgow! Part of the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland’s Candid Cabaret Series. Come see your favorite quotes brought to life by Yours Truly and a fabulous cast!
I see what you’re trying to do here with your feminine wiles. You’re trying to snare me.
Umm… no dude. She probably just wants to know how likely you are to give her an STD.
Come see your favorite quotes brought to life NEXT WEEK in ThingsMyExSaid: the Cabaret! May 12th and 16th, 7:30 PM in the Grand Ballroom at Sloan’s Glasgow. Part of the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland’s Candid Cabaret Series.
Why can’t’ we all just be one big happy family?
Okay. Speaking as someone who’s been that ex you’ve had to go out to dinner with, just go! Then you can act really rude to her and end up making her cry on the subway ride home. Not that that’s happened to me….
But seriously, what was this guy thinking? He might as well as have said “she’s’ hotter than you”. He’s going to have to kiss ass for a couple weeks to smooth over this one.
Keep up with rehearsal progress for Things My Ex Said: the Cabaret on our facebook page! We’ve got out first full run-thru tomorrow. Sneak peeks to come!
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
I don’t even know if this can qualify as a backhanded compliment, as I have yet to see where the “compliment” part is. I guess she’s tall?
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Ugh. How many shades of this man are we going to see on this website? Men, can you get it through your heads that alluding to someone being too fat is just not okay? Yes, even if you are a doctor. Save it for the clinic. You leave me to imagine that you think I’m pretty, and I’ll leave you to imagine it’s okay to have two chocolate croissants for breakfast. And we’ll both die of the American Condition early, but happy.
Or, you know, keep picking on your loved one’s nose and thighs and feet and upper arms. What do I know? I’m just a voice on the internet.
Speaking of voice, rehearsals for Things My Ex Said: The Cabaret are going great!!! I’m so excited and I just can’t hide it! Performing on Monday, 12 May and Friday, 16 May at 7:30 PM at the Grand Ballroom in Sloan’s, Glasgow. Come see your favorite quotes brought to life against a backdrop of badass 90’s tunes. Tickets on sale now!
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
Yes, that is what he’s referring to.
Apparently sometimes having a big dick can make you a big dick. And that’s called hashtagnotworthit.
The dates have been set for Things My Ex Said: The Cabaret! I’ll be coming to the Grand Ballroom of Sloan’s on May 12th and 16th, at 7:30 PM, 62 Argyll Arcade, 108 Argyll Street, Glasgow, G2 8BG. Part of the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland’s Candid Cabaret series. See your favorite quotes from the website come to life, paired with some bitchin’ 90s tunes!
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
Peter Pan! Get over it!
May he find what he seeks and have the bank account to maintain it. Fly free, you withered, aging asshole.
Got a stupid ex? Want to see his or her quote up here in anonymous infamy? Submit your quote to ThingsMyExSaid!
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