Yep . . .That IS what he said.

Monthly Archives: May 2013

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Yes. Yes she did. Absolutely. And please note: if you find yourself backed into this kind of corner, use of the word “empirically” isn’t going to help you, it will only make you sound even douchier.


Ever have that ex who seemed to wish he was in Anonymous? Or at least seemed to suffer under the delusion that he was kind of a big deal?

Barnes and Noble

Yeah. That’s sticking it to ’em.


Okay, so you know the old archetype of the artist and his muse? Well, who doesn’t secretly want to be a muse, really? I mean, when it comes down to it, wouldn’t it be pretty cool to inspire some hot, passionate person to create a work of art that reflects the awesomeness that is you? And all you have to do is sit there and be your fabulous self? Sign me up, right?

Or have you ever had that moment when you’re dating a musician and he plays you the new beautiful love song he’s written, and you think “Oh my gawd, this song is about me!” (a la the drunk girl from family guy)–until you get to the end of the song and it is, in fact, about a whiskey bottle?

Do you ever have that ex who thinks that just by the virtue that he made something, you would care? I mean, he’s feeling all these really deep feelings and expressing them and stuff, so it must be something that would interest you. And then this happens:

Screenplay in Rehab

Congratulations, you wrote a story about yourself. Now here’s a hint: you’re not that interesting.

I know, I know, perhaps I’m not giving this one the benefit of the doubt. I mean, he tried and all. And clearly I’m all about that expressing yourself achieving catharsis garbage. But seriously? Seriously? You thought this would work?

Seems like when the moment comes and that song really is about you, 9 times out of 10 you would have been better off writing it yourself. Then at least it would be your crappy song.


Certain things just don’t ring well in the bedroom.

Not the girl I'm going to marry

I’m going to say chances are, she did know. Chances are, she agreed with him. But perhaps that was something better discussed over tea. . . or at least breakfast.


So guys are just harder to pick presents for in general, in my opinion. Women can get flowers, bath stuff, jewelry, but for men there is less of a blanket of obvious gifts. On his birthday–forget cards, watches, sports memorabilia–nothing says love and devotion like when she talks to her ex on the phone for a long period of time.

On Your Birthday

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Happy birthday, honey! I’m having serious second thoughts about you!


I gave my artist the day off, so you get to enjoy a true original today! Something tells me I feel worse about my own shoddy art than than this guy feels about his personal preferences:

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That’s like, serious. I hope he and his board were very happy together.



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